


You're My Sister, but You're Not

by WhimsyNeptune



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: (It's not technically incest if she was never really adopted), Angst, F/F, Kalex, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pseudo-Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-15 15:12:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11808564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhimsyNeptune/pseuds/WhimsyNeptune
Summary: "James left Lucy! We're going on a date tonight!"Alex's heart dropped into her stomach at Kara's squealed reply. She was going to lose her all together now, maybe not right away... but eventually. But she pushed through, Kara still needed her, and as long as she did, Alex would be there for her. She forced her faked smile to stay put and tried to act as excited for her as she could. "That's amazing, Kara! I'm so happy that he finally got his head out of his ass!"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Kalex fic, so please be gentle!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first Kalex fic, so please be gentle!

Alex knows it's wrong. How couldn't she? Years of being told 'She's your sister, Alexandra. You've got to protect her.' Years of Kara introducing her to friends as 'My Big Sister!' Years of seeing Kara as she truly is; powerful, smart, talented, beautiful, and magnificent.  Years of hiding the longing she had to have their touches mean more than 'Thank you for being my sister, I love you so much.' Years of all this had made it undeniably clear that Alex's love for Kara was wrong. It was wrong because it wasn't sisterly, and it never had been.

 

At first, she tried to resent her, to make it go away by being unusually cruel, but after seeing how lost, confused, and hurt the younger girl was, she couldn't help but cave. She always caved when it came to Kara because she'd do anything to make her smile that beautifully bright, Kryptonian smile. The smile that could bring even the toughest criminal to their knees and repent for their actions. The smile that could get Alex to set herself afire if it meant that she could see it for the rest of her life. The smile that she was in love with. She was in love with that smile, because she was undoubtedly, irrevocably, utterly in love with Kara Zor-El Danvers. Her foster sister. The one person in the world that couldn't possibly (and didn't) love her that way.

 

So as she sat at the DEO watching Kara be her usual bright and shiny self, she had to fight back the tears. It had been twelve painfully exhausting years trying to hide her feelings for Kara. Watching her bring home boyfriends, watching her cry over them when they broke up, and not being able just to grab her and kiss her and let her know that they didn't deserve her. Just because she wouldn't sleep with them, did not give them the right to abandon her like that. Every time it happened, it made Alex's blood run cold and caused her vision to go red with fury. Why couldn't they just love Kara the way that she deserved? Why couldn't the universe have mercy on them both and make it socially acceptable to fall in love with your foster sibling? More so, why couldn't the universe have clemency on Alex, and make Kara like girls? At least then she could at least pretend that the 'I love you's' Kara threw her way had a hidden meaning.

 

But no, the universe was a cruel, and merciless place that forced people to fall helplessly in love with people that had no interest in them romantically whatsoever. Especially for Alex, because not only was Kara, her foster sister, but she was also the straightest person she knew. The fact that Kara made googly eyes at James Olsen whenever he walked by made that fact painfully unmistakable. Every time Alex tried to test Kara, to try to get her to notice a hot girl sexually, she failed miserably, and Kara would end up checking out a guy instead, which only caused Alex's heart that much more anguish.

 

What made things even worse for Alex was that Kara's attraction to James wasn't one sided, yet the fool still had chosen Lucy Lane over her, and even worse, Kara still pined after the man. The man that treated her like an option, the man that was too blind to see that he had the honor of being able to be with the most Amazing person in all of existence, yet chose to stay with the Ex that left him for trying to save the world with Superman. So yeah, that stung, because if she were given the privilege that James had currently, she would never waste it. Not for anyone. She would treasure it with all that she had, and mold herself into anything that Kara needed or wanted- if only to be able to call the hero her own.

 

She sighed as she finished her work, and began to think back to the days where she had Kara all to herself, maybe not in the way she wanted her, but still all to herself.

 

She remembered the time the family went on vacation, but she pretended to have a stomachache so that Kara would stay behind and snuggle with her in the hotel room all by themselves while Jeremiah and Eliza went sightseeing.

 

She remembered the time back in high school when no one asked Alex to prom, so Kara ditched her date for her.

 

She remembered the time when Kara had the option to graduate early and go to college because of her genius brain but refused when she saw how heartbroken Alex was at the idea of never seeing her. That night they had cuddled together in bed, and Kara had fallen asleep in Alex's arm. Alex, however, refused to sleep and instead, listened to Kara breath and treasured holding the younger girl in her arms.

 

A tear slipped from the Agent's eye and slowly trickled its way down her cheek and then dropped from her chin onto her lab coat. Why must she be in love with a woman who could never possibly love her?

 

"Alex!" She heard her sister say excitedly.

 

Oh yeah,  _that's_ why. Just hearing her name said from the blonde hero's mouth was enough to send butterflies galore into her stomach. She quickly smeared her tears onto her lab coat and turned around to face her sister. 

 

"Hey, Kar'. What's going on?" She asked with a forced smile.

 

"James left Lucy! We're going on a date tonight!" 

 

Alex's heart dropped into her stomach at Kara's squealed reply. She was going to lose her all together now, maybe not right away... but eventually. But she pushed through, Kara still needed her, and as long as she did, Alex would be there for her. She forced her faked smile to stay put and tried to act as excited for her as she could. "That's amazing, Kara! I'm so happy that he finally got his head out of his ass!"

 

Kara chuckled and shook her head. "You're nothing short of amazing." She said as she wrapped Alex in a hug.

 

The older sister immediately returned the embrace tenfold and smiled. At least she could still have these moments, at least for now. Until Kara and James got serious, and Kara started pulling away slowly. "Amazing, huh? How so?" She asked with what she hoped was a smirk.

 

If it wasn't, Kara decided against saying anything in her haste to respond. "Because even when you're happy for me you are protective, and I love you all the more for it!" She said chirpily.

 

Alex smiled. It came naturally to her to protect Kara, so she was glad that Kara liked it because even if she didn't the older sister didn't have the ability to stop. "I'll always protect you, Kara. No matter what."

 

Kara smiled brightly and kissed her older sister's forehead, sending shockwaves of happiness throughout the brunette's body. "And I will always protect you, Alex. You're my rock."

 

Alex smiled and refrained from saying 'and you're my everything,' instead she chose to respond with "And you're my home."

 

 Kara smiled. "Well, that just goes to show you how amazing we are together."

 

Alex knew that she shouldn't read too much into that statement, but she couldn't help the hope that crept into her heart at it as she nodded with a genuine smile this time. "Of course we are." She said with a strained voice.

 

Kara nodded and squeezed Alex in another tight hug. "Us Danvers Sisters are the closest in the world." She said gleefully.

 

Alex's heart was shattered once more, but she couldn't do anything but hide it. If Kara found out that she was unintentionally breaking Alex's heart, she would hate herself, and possibly try to force herself to be in love with Alex, and that was most certainly not what Alex wanted. The other scenario, the _worst_ scenario that could happen if Kara found out is that she would be thoroughly disgusted with Alex for being in love with her and completely banish Alex from her life. Both of those scenarios terrified the Agent, so she continued to bite her tongue and nodded her head. "We sure are!" She said with a tight smile.

 

**XXX**

 

That night, after a few glasses of scotch, Alex was sitting on her couch, her elbows on her knees, with her hands covering her face as she cried. She cried a lot when she was alone, but this time it was much worse. Kara was on a date with someone. Someone that wasn't  _her_ and Alex just couldn't fight the aching pain that was her entire being at the thought of someone else's hand holding Kara's, or anyone else's lips kissing Kara, of someone else  _making love_ with Kara.... She couldn't contain her pain as she sobbed.

 

Her crying eyes glistened as morning frost while tears like liquid silver trickled down her face. Heartbreak was an odd kind of pain for Alex. She wasn't dying, she wasn't even sick, yet she hurt so much.

 

Heartbreak for Alex has been a state of life for the past twelve years. It was lying on the bathroom floor at three in the morning when she was home alone, trying her hardest to breathe through her blubbering and tears while at the same time she was wondering how she was going to be able to get up and act like everything was all right the next morning. It was living every day in the same house as the one person that you'd die to be able to kiss just once, yet never being able to have her. It was sneaking out in the middle of the night to drink two entire bottles of tequila to try to numb the pain, only to be carried home by the one person you were trying to forget, making the hangover the next morning entirely in vain. Heartbreak, for Alex, was getting to hug and touch the one who owned her heart every single da but knowing that the embrace meant a million times more to her than it did the other woman. Heartbreak for Alex was the same thing as being in love. For Alex, Heartbreak was her life.

 

So as she sat there crying she felt like her entire soul had shattered into trillions of microscopic pieces that could never be put back together again. She felt like her heart had been shredded to pieces, then cut up, and thrown into the garbage disposal left to rot away in sewage water. It hurt physically,  _a lot_ but it also hurt emotionally and mentally as well.

 

She continued to cry, and she wished with all her heart that it wasn't like this. That this was some sort of temporary nightmare and when she woke up, she'd either not be in love with Kara, or she'd be in love with Kara, and Kara would reciprocate just as passionately, but she knew. She knew that in the morning when she got out of bed it wouldn't be a dream. It'd still be reality, and she'd have to go on pretending that she wasn't in love with her foster sister. That every time she gushed about James, it didn't tear her insides to infinitesimal specks, and that she could live the rest of her days happily when all she wanted to do was die.

 

She continued to cry for a few more minutes until she heard a knock on her door. She jumped off the couch and grabbed her gun, it was a quarter after one, and Kara would still be out with James, or she'd use her key and just come in if it was her, so she feared the worst. She crept to the door slowly and then heard a familiar sigh from the other side. "Alex, it's me. You can put the gun down."

 

Alex did as suggested, and wiped her tears away as she did so. She quickly opened the door to see a crying Kara on the other side. She quickly went from wallowing in her own heartache to comforting Kara. "Sweetie! What's wrong?!" She asked in concern after she wrapped her younger sister in her arms.

 

Kara panted for breath as she tried to speak through her weeps. "H-he lef-left after sh-she called him t-to ap-apologize."

 

Alex saw red, and she tightened her protective grip on her sister. "HE ANSWERED HER CALL IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR DATE AND THEN LEFT YOU THERE FOR HER?"

 

Kara nodded as she continued weeping. Alex was pissed. Rage was building up inside of her like deep water currents. Suddenly her anger came unleashed without any thought of consequences, and she snapped. "I'm going to fucking kill him." She said.

 

When Alex went to pull away from Kara, the Superhero tightened her hold on her. "No! Please, Alex... I really just need to cuddle up with you and share tubs of ice cream."

 

Alex sighed and relented. She could never tell Kara no. Not about anything. Her rage was still storming inside her, but for the moment she decided to do her best to ignore it for Kara's sake, Jimmy Olsen's time would come, Alex would make sure of it.

 

  **XXX**

 

That night, as Kara lay half asleep in Alex's protective arms, Alex hummed their personal remix of 'Sleep Little Child.' She smiled as she stroked the soft blonde hair of the woman she so desperately loved. When the song was over, she looked down at the Kryptonian and spoke from her heart. "You shouldn't waste your time on sleazeballs who have never deserved you from the start, Kara. No one deserves you, especially not people that think it's okay to toy with you like this."

 

Kara frowned. "I was enjoying this until you ruined it with your seriousness." She said petulantly.

 

Alex chuckled. "I know, I was enjoying this too, but you have to realize, Kara. You are so amazing, and you could destroy us all if you actually wanted to, but you are so kind, and so strong, and so amazing that you don't. You don't because you want us to accept you, and you need to find someone that  _does_ accept you, that loves you for who you are and would always choose you no matter who the other person was because  _you_ are the only choice that matters.  _You_ are the only choice that is even possible to make, because _you_ own my- er..  _their_ heart!"

 

 

Kara chuckled. "You almost said that I owned  _your_ heart."

 

Alex's heart deflated at Kara's laugh. Kara thought it was comical to think of being with her, and she wasn't sure how to survive with this knowledge. "Would it be so bad?"

 

Kara looked up at her sister with furrowed brows. "Would what be so bad?" She asked.

 

 

"Me being in love with you?" Alex asked nervously.

 

 

Kara smiled sleepily. "It would be strange. But it's okay because you're not."

 

 

Alex couldn't contain herself any longer. "I am."

 

 

Kara looked even more confused than she previously had been. "You are what, Al?"

 

 

_Actions speak louder than words, Alex_. The brunette said to herself before she leaned down and captured the younger woman's lips with her own. The kiss was quick because Kara immediately pushed her sister off and looked at her with mortification written all over her face.  _Shit_ , Alex thought. "Kara. I- I'm so fucking sorry. I-"

 

"Don't." Kara interrupted coldly. "I need to leave."

 

Alex's heart fell to the floor, and she turned around to face the wall. She couldn't bear to see Kara's facial expression. This was much worse than living with keeping her love a secret because seeing the anger on Kara's face was more than just heartbreaking... more than devastating it was... it was... life ending. "Kara, please. I'm so sorry." Alex begged, but when she turned around  Kara had disappeared. Alex fell to the floor and sobbed.

 

"How the hell am I supposed to survive without her at all?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue?? Please let me know what you think! I have many more ideas about how they could eventually get together, or how they couldn't... It's really a toss up, so if you'd like to see one of these options continued in this story please let me know!!


	2. Chapter 2

Alex stayed up the rest of the night crying and letting misery consume her wholly. She had just lost _everything_  by forcing a kiss on her sister. Alex would have been pissed if _anyone_  did that to her, so she understood Kara's anger. Not only that but to Kara, Alex was her sister, so it was a double whammy for the blonde. But that didn't stop the pain in Alex's chest from torturing her further. She was appalled by what she had done to her little sister and terrified of what actions Kara was going to reciprocate with.

 

The next morning, Alex stood in her lab at the DEO Headquarters exhausted and heartbroken. She was devastated by her actions toward Kara the night prior, not only had Kara come to her for comfort in her most vulnerable state, but Kara had trusted her, and she had broken Kara's trust because she was idiotic enough to believe that Kara might accept it. She had taken advantage of the one person she loved most in this world, at her weakest, and she had most likely lost her because of it.

 

Alex knew that she would have to face Kara soon, and she was terrified of what her younger sister would say. Panicked thoughts began to flood her mind as she began to worry about what was to come:

 

_Will she hate me?_

 

_Will she leave?_

 

_Will she ever let me back into her life?_

 

_Will she even be able to look at me?_

 

The terrifying questions continued to consume her until there was a hesitant knock at the door. She instantly became paralyzed with fear. That was Kara's knock, she'd recognize it anywhere. It was the knock that had been tapped at her door every time Kara and Alex were  _not_ okay, and the blonde was ready to confront Alex. The Agent  _wanted_ to move, but she couldn't. Her terrified feet refused to move no matter how hard she willed them to, and all her arms agreed to do was fall limply at her sides. The room began to feel like it was closing in on her and the Agent knew that Kara had come to talk whether Alex wanted to or not, and Alex knew that she had no choice, because she had been the one to fuck up the night before, not Kara. Her nightmare was coming whether she was ready for it or not, and she had absolutely no idea how to handle it. She wasn't ready, she might never have been ready, but she owed it to Kara to stand there and listen to Kara's chastisement like an adult, and accept her fate. 

 

She tried to call out to Kara, to tell her the door was unlocked, but her voice failed her, and all that came out was a slight crack, and then a cough.  _Curse terror._ She thought to herself.

 

Just before Alex was ready to try to speak again, she heard Kara's voice. "Alexandra Danvers! Open this door right now or so help me God-"

 

Alex immediately bolted for the door; it wasn't a good idea to keep Kara waiting if she was this mad, and she wouldn't do anything to worsen her chances of Kara forgiving her. As soon as she reached the door, she took a deep breath and opened it to reveal Kara standing there looking shocked at how quickly the door had opened.

 

"Well, finally." The hero said.

 

Alex smiled weakly and looked down at the floor, unable to look Kara in the eyes. She wasn't worthy. Not anymore, maybe she never was. "Sorry, I was just-" She was cut off by Kara wrapping her in an embrace like millions of times before.

 

"Shh. Alex, it's fine. I just thought you were avoiding me and I was upset."

 

Alex was shocked, but she instantly returned the hug and melted into it quickly. There was no way in hell, or in any version of reality where she could refuse Kara a hug. She was just thrilled that she was getting another opportunity to do so. "Kara, I-I'm so sorry about last night, it was so wrong of me to do that, and I-"

 

"And you were drunk, and it was a very emotional situation, so your brain's wires got criss crossed and misfired all at once making you confused and you kissed me. I know, I smelled the alcohol on you, but I hadn't realized that you were so heavily intoxicated until you kissed me, and once you did my brain went into autopilot and chose to ignore the fact that you were drunk until this morning when I could think clearly.  It's okay, Alex. We're okay, I'm not mad. I understand it wasn't your fault." Kara interrupted as she pulled back slightly from the embrace and smiled warmly at her older sister.

 

Alex felt numb, she knew that she should be happy that Kara wasn't mad at her, but she couldn't be. Not when the only reason Kara forgave her was that she believed that Alex had been too drunk to understand what she was doing. That meant that Alex would have to lie to her younger sister and once again pretend to be the happy-go-lucky big sister. She'd have to fake her happiness while she was dying on the inside each time Kara touched her, each time Kara gushed about a crush, each time she looked at Alex like she had hung the stars, but only thought of her as a sister.

 

She gulped, knowing that she had to speak quickly, but having no idea what her brain was about to say. She held her breath and opened her mouth to speak, hoping for the best. "Thank you so much, I really am sorry, Kar'. I would never force myself on you like that. It was not okay, and it will never happen again."

 

Kara smiled at her sister with that beautifully bright Kryptonian smile. "I know it won't, Alex. We're sisters for one, and for two you'd never force yourself onto anyone like that. It's okay, we're okay, and I love you. I have to get going; I just wanted to make sure that we were on good terms before I go out on patrol. Let's have a sister's night tonight, okay? I've got to tell you about what Miss Grant said to James earlier!"

  

Alex forced up her fake smile and nodded. She wasn't a fan of hearing about Cat Grant either; she hated that Evil woman more than James. The woman treated Kara like a dog, which Alex despised, but the reason why Cat acted that way towards Kara made Alex feel even more loathsome towards the older woman. Cat Grant was in love with Kara, so she treated Kara poorly in order to distance herself but her façade was starting to crack, and it killed Alex inside because she knew that even with the way Cat currently treated her assistant, she still had a better chance at winning Kara's affections than Alex did, and that tore away at the Agent's insides all the more. "My apartment or yours?" Alex croaked out.

 

Kara smiled. "You can stop by mine if you'd like. Either one is fine though!"

 

Alex smiled genuinely at Kara's adorableness. "Yours is perfect. I'll be over right after work. Want me to pick you up anything?"

 

Kara shook her head as she beamed  _that_ smile at Alex. The one that took the brunette's breath away. "No, I think I'll just cook us some real food tonight."

 

Alex's heart melted, Kara hated cooking, she was magnificent at it, but she hated it. So Kara wanting to cook for Alex meant more to her than it would to most. "You don't have to, but it'd be amazing."

 

Kara smiled. "See you at six!" She chimed.

 

Alex nodded. "See you at six."

 

**XXX**

 

At 3:30 that afternoon, Alex was working on research to figure out how long Kryptonians could go without food when she thought back to that one afternoon when Alex and Kara were in high school together, and Kara had flipped out because Alex was 'barely eating.' Alex smiled fondly at the memory of Kara panicking over her, running all the way to Italy to get her the 'Best pizza in the world' because Alex admitted she wasn't eating the school's pizza because it was gross. She then remembered that night when she had noticed Kara crying because she thought Alex was going to starve to death because she wasn't eating as much as 'normal people' (Kryptonians). She remembered Eliza explaining to the young and confused Alien that humans eat much less (approximately five times less) than Kryptonians and that Alex was going to be perfectly okay. That was the first  _real_ time Alex had gotten to see that beautiful smile that had taken her breath away ever since. She smiled as she remembered that night after all the confusion, Kara had crawled into Alex's bed and admitted that she had feared she was losing her, and it had melted her heart, now 14 years later, she was still just as in love with Kara as ever.

 

She sighed to herself and shook her head. She knew Kara would want her to be happy and move on with her life, and try to find someone else if she knew, but the thing was, Alex was incapable of loving anyone else. She had tried, multiple times, but it never worked. She'd end up comparing them to Kara and picking out every single way that they paled in comparison to her little sister. There was no hope for her; she would forever be broken. She fought back tears as she continued to work, willing herself to focus on the research and not on the pain inside of her chest when there was a knock at her lab door. "Come in." She called in a cracked voice.

 

After her invitation, the door opened, and in stepped J'onn with a knowing frown. "Danvers, you need to get a grip." He said softly. "I know how badly it hurts not to have the one you love. But the difference is my lover is dead, yours is well and alive, and if you keep doing stupid shit like last night, you're going to end up losing her all together. I get that you're in pain, and it'll never get easier, but at least you get to hold her, and hug her and tell her that you love her. You're luckier than you realize, Alex."

 

Alex let out a choked sob, and Director Henshaw engulfed her into a tight embrace as he stroked the brunette's hair. "I love her so much, J'onn." She whimpered.

 

The dark man nodded. "I know, Alex. Trust me, I know."

 

They stood there like that for quite a substantial amount of time, Alex reveling in the fact that someone finally was able to comfort her for the one thing she had refused to reveal to anyone in fear of being ostracized, and J'onn just happy to comfort her. Alex wasn't happy that J'onn had read her mind, but she understood why the man had done it. She was extremely off her game, and he was worried that something much bigger was going on. The fact that the man who had become like a father to her was okay with Alex's misplaced affections was a comfort that she hadn't realized she needed. She sighed, knowing that her life was going to be a little brighter now that she could lean on someone when she was finding her unrequited love all too painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was short, but I've been really busy, I hope this was enjoyable and I do plan to continue this a ways.
> 
> Please let me know any suggestions you have and if you enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> See you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Alex took a deep breath before knocking on Kara's apartment door. She had done a lot of venting to J'onn, and she was feeling much better, but she still wasn't sure if she was ready to be the happy-big-sister that Kara was used to. Especially not so soon after the kiss, the agent was thankful for Kara's forgiveness despite the fact that it was extremely ill-advised, but she took it in stride. Henshaw was right, Alex was lucky just to have Kara in her life in  _any_ capacity, and she shouldn't be ungrateful for that. She heard Kara's invitation to come in and walked through the door with as much faux-confidence as she could muster. Alex was instantly met with the aroma of her favorite dish of Kara's: Crispy Coconut Fried Chicken. "Wow, it smells amazing, Kar'." She declared with a genuine smile.

 

Kara turned around from the oven and smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I've been working on everything for an hour and a half. The pineapple fried rice took longer than expected to make and the sweet potato fries have been a pain to slice correctly."

 

Alex's heart swelled in her chest. Her sister made all of this from scratch just for her and knowing that made Alex yearn to lunge forward and connect her lips with Kara's again, but she fought back the urge and died a little inside by doing so. She smiled her casual fake smile and nodded. "You're incredible, you know. You didn't have to do all of this for me."

 

Kara nodded as she tested her food. "I know, but I wanted to. You eat so unhealthily, and it scares me. I'm willing to cook supper for you more often if you'd be willing to eat with your boring little sister more often." She said with a weak smile.

 

Alex's heart started thudding rapidly in her chest. Kara was offering to spend  _more_ time with her. She couldn't refuse if she tried -which she didn't- "Of course! I love spending time with you, but you don't have to cook for me, you hate cooking."

 

Kara smiled as she pulled the chicken out of the oven and began to make their plates. "I do hate cooking, but I love you, so it's worth it." She said determinedly. She then chuckled and shook her head before she spoke again. "Remember that time in ninth grade when I thought you were starving yourself, so I ran all the way to Italy to get you  _good_ pizza? I was so scared that you were starving yourself and that I was going to lose you. I'm so glad that it didn't happen."

 

Alex's entire body began to fill with warmth as she smiled. "You've always taken care of me, even when it was supposed to be the other way around, you were taking care of me."

 

Kara scoffed as she placed the plates on the dining room table. "Hardly. If anything it's vice versa. But I think that we take care of each other. It's what we do." She said with a smile.

 

When Kara gestured for Alex to sit at the table, Alex obeyed and began to eat. She took her first bite and groaned out of appreciation. "Jesus Kara, you're such an amazing cook. How did you even learn to cook like this?! Mom couldn't have taught you because she is a terrible cook."

 

Kara chuckled as she chewed her food and when she swallowed, she spoke. "I understand that I'm an Alien, Alex, but we Kryptonians  _did_  have food on Krypton, not all the same, but very similar."

 

 Alex laughed. "So you're saying  _your_ mom taught you?"

 

Kara nodded. "That is exactly what I'm saying." She laughed.

 

Alex's heart fluttered at the sound of Kara's jubilant laugh. Of course, it would. When did it not? But this time was different. It was different because Kara was looking at her differently, not just like Alex had hung the stars but as if she had hung the sun and planets as well. "K-Kara?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"I-" Alex sighed and shook her head. She couldn't risk ruining everything over unrealistic and wishful thinking. "This food is delicious."

 

Kara smiled. "I'm glad you think so. I know it's your favorite."

 

Alex nodded. "It is. Thank you so much for making it."

 

They continued eating their food while conversing happily. Alex was enjoying it, she had been terrified that Kara would never want to speak to her again, so it was comforting to be in Kara's presence, but she still craved more. She wanted to be Kara's everything like she was Alex's everything. It gnawed at her throughout the entire meal and into the time where they were watching Netflix on the couch snuggled up against each other. It was killing Alex by that point, and she had to fight back the urge to run out because she knew she wouldn't be able to survive without Kara, but she wasn't quite sure that she could survive being this close to her without being hers either.

 

She stared at the tv screen but wasn't watching at all. She was hyper aware of Kara's hand on her stomach, and the blonde's head resting on the crook of Alex's neck. She tried to keep her breathing regulated when finally the movie had ended, and Kara stood up to shut off the tv. "Oh my goodness!" Kara squealed. "That was unbelievably fantastic!"

 

Alex smiled and nodded pretending that she had focused on the whole thing when Kara plopped herself back onto the couch and started blabbering away, Alex found it insanely adorable. "Okay!  I told you that I was going to tell you about what happened between James and Miss Grant today so here we go. So today Miss Grant noticed that I was upset (Amazing right?)" No, it wasn't amazing. Not to Alex. "So, anyway she sat me down and was being really sweet, and she asked me what was bothering me, so I told her everything that had happened between James and me. She got really upset at him for me and told me that I deserved someone that could see the astonishing possibilities that being with me could provide (I have no idea what she meant by that)" Alex did, Cat was referring to herself. Lovely. "Anyway so when I was at my desk, James came over to apologize for leaving, and Miss Grant had been walking to her office and saw it. She snapped, and said that he had no right to speak to me after being so cruel and disrespectful and that if she ever saw him talking to me at work again she would blackball him from the media industry altogether. She then said that he doesn't deserve me _or_ 'that Lane girl' and then ushered him into her office where she continued to yell at him behind closed doors. It was insane!" 

 

Alex wasn't surprised; she knew how strongly Cat felt for Kara so seeing her upset would set her off easily. That much she knew, what surprised her was that she did it in front of her entire office, that would be enough to ruin her reputation, standing up for the assistant that she 'couldn't care less about.' Alex sighed she was beginning to fear that she would soon have to watch Kara hand-in-hand with that wretched old hag. She sighed and shook her head at herself. That wasn't okay for her to say. Whether she liked to admit it or not, Cat Grant was extremely attractive so even if Kara did date the older woman it wouldn't be a shock. Cat Grant was rich, famous, powerful, beautiful, smart, independent, and could hold her own. She could give Kara everything that she deserved if Kara wanted her, which was still up in the air. Kara had never mentioned being attracted to women, not even when Alex 'had come out. She soon realized that she hadn't responded to Kara's story and fumbled for a response. "W-wow, Kara. Cat must be starting to like you a lot!"

 

Kara smiled and shook her head. "Nah, she just doesn't like men using women. It's one of her pet-peeves."

 

Alex nodded but didn't respond which caused Kara's eyebrows to furrow in concern, "Are you okay? You've been acting strange all night." Kara asked softly.

 

Kara's intense stare being focused on her made Alex very self-aware, and she had no idea how to get out of this situation, she couldn't lie to Kara. She wasn't good at it, she was good at hiding the truth about her feelings for her, but that was out of absolute necessity, and she had never lied just omitted the truth. "I- uh... I've just had some bad luck with romance lately."

 

Kara frowned, "Awe, I'm sorry. What's going on? I might be able to help."

 

Alex's heart fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces. She should've expected Kara to be willing to help her get a girlfriend, but instead, it killed her to know Kara was okay with watching Alex with someone else. It stung and burned at her soul, but she persevered and ignored her craving to say 'You're the only one that _can_ help' and instead said: "I- I love someone that couldn't possibly love me back and if I tell them it would ruin everything between us." She admitted.

 

Kara frowned. "I-" She paused for a moment seemingly thinking, and then spoke when she looked like she had an idea. "Who is she? I can totally put in a super duper good word for you as Supergirl that should get anyone to fall in love with you, or at least give you a chance, right?"

 

Alex smiled sadly as the ache in her heart grew ten times, and she felt like she was going to suffocate on it as she croaked out. "Right."

 

Kara smiled proudly and squealed in excitement. "This is going to be so much fun! If you're in love with her, that means she must be amazing! What's she like??" Kara asked.

 

Alex smiled and naturally described Kara as she looked into her eyes with such longing she was sure Kara would realize that every word she was saying was about her. "She's gorgeous and loyal to a fault. She's funny, adorable, smart, talented, strong, and braver than anyone else in all of existence. Every time we hug or I feel like my heart is going to pound out of my chest and every time she laughs or smiles, it takes my breath away. She's always there for me, and she is the only one that can make me laugh. Every time I see her mistreated my rage spikes up and I want to destroy the offender. I just love her so much."

 

Kara smiled brightly at her sister and lunged forward as she wrapped her up in a tight embrace. Alex smiled and hugged her back even though she was dying inside. The embrace at least helped her a little bit. "You should tell her Alex if she's everything you just said she was she wouldn't abandon you unless there are extenuating circumstances."

 

Alex couldn't do this anymore she couldn't keep this from Kara, she needed her to know, she hoped beyond hope that this wouldn't ruin them. "There is."

 

Kara quirked her brow curiously. "Oh? Well, I'm sure they can be worked out. I don't think that even if she doesn't love you (Which is hard to believe) that she would abandon you."

 

Alex gulped. She changed her mind. She couldn't tell her, not now. She just couldn't. It would destroy her when Kara rejected her. "R-right." She said in a raspy voice.

 

Kara comfortingly put her hand on Alex's arm. "It's okay Alex. It can't be that bad. What is the extenuating circumstance?"

 

 _Fuck_. She couldn't lie to her sister, and there was no other way out of this. She looked down at the ground as she finally told Kara the one thing that would cause the Kryptonian to leave her. She bit back her tears as she admitted the truth. "She's my sister."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this. I love Kalex, and I love angst so I hope this is a good mixture of both. I don't feel as if I'm portraying the characters as well as I have in the previous chapters. Please let me know what you think because I'm not quite sure how good this is or if it's worthy to be continued.


	4. Chapter 4

Kara stood staring at Alex with shock all over her face causing Alex's heart to begin to beat rapidly. Her body felt like it was going to stop working. Her mind began to circulate through all of the reasons why her telling Kara the truth was a bad idea and started to fill with terrifying anticipation for Kara's response. Her hands were shaking and sweating. Her heart was beating so rapidly that it sounded as if it was beating inside her head instead of her chest cavity.  Her breathing was uneven, and she felt like she would pass out at any moment.

 

All of this continued until she saw a smile creep up on her younger sister's face. Suddenly her fear and worry turned into hope. Hope that for years, Kara had wanted to hear that Alex loved her romantically and that she was about to kiss her happily and passionately. Her heart rate started slowing down, and she began to relax. Then, suddenly, her world came tumbling down as Kara began to laugh and snort hysterically. Was she laughing at her? "Kara?" She asked hesitantly.

 

Kara was fighting to breathe through her laughter and put an arm on Alex for support as she tried to speak through her gasps of laughter. "Y-you.... Had m-me for a s-second t-there." She laughed.

 

Alex's stomach dropped to the ground and was replaced in her abdomen by her heart. She forced her fake smile on her face, which was twice as hard to do than usual as she nodded. "Yeah... I could tell." She said, trying to appear as if she felt triumphant instead of utterly shattered.

 

She had tried and failed to tell Kara the truth, and no longer had the courage to do so again. She would just have to play the role of overly protective, insanely supportive, and incredibly loving big sister, until the day she died no matter how much it killed her inside. Kara shook her head at her big sister once her laughter died down. "You're a dork." She said before looking at her watch. "It's after ten, and you have work in the morning. You just want to stay here tonight?"

 

Alex gulped. She didn't know if she could survive that, but if she refused Kara would know something was up, so she nodded her head in agreement. Kara smiled and turned to the bedroom. "I'll set out some pajamas for you. Do you want the plaid or the burgundy set?" She asked.

 

When Alex spoke, it felt like her tongue was a brick inside her mouth, and it took everything she had to make her voice come out normally. "Which ever one you prefer." She said as Kara entered the bedroom.

 

Alex sat down and tried to breathe through the overwhelming heart ache that was overtaking all of her senses as she fought her hardest to stop herself from crying. 

 

Kara came back out of the bedroom a few minutes later with a set of plaid pajamas and a smile on her face. "Here you go, sis. I'm going to take a shower, and then I'll join you in bed."

 

Alex once again coerced a smile onto her face and smiled. Pretending that Kara calling her 'sis' didn't destroy every piece of her heart, and soul. "Thank you." She said along with it.

 

Kara smiled. "Anytime. You know, we could just get an apartment together, it'd save us money in the long run, and instead of just making you a healthy supper every other day, I could fix you a healthy breakfast  _and_ dinner every day."

 

Alex had to suppress how excited the idea made her, was because instead of the two bedroom apartment she knew Kara was imagining, the agent was imagining a town house with one bedroom, a two-car garage, and a queen sized bed that the two of them would share together every night. She once again nodded with a sad smile. "Whatever you want, Kar'"

 

Kara furrowed her brows. "Really? I thought you'd be strongly opposed to the idea of living with me."

 

Alex shook her head. "No, never. I love spending time with you, and I'm here most of the time anyway. So there's no point in keeping a place and all the bills for it when I'm never there."

 

Kara smiled. "YES!" She squealed. "I can't wait! We can get one closer to both of our jobs and one that is in a  _much_ nicer neighborhood! I can't wait! Will you come over tomorrow after work so we can start going through catalogs?"

 

Alex chuckled. "Slow down, Kara. We have to sell our places first."

 

Kara rolled her eyes. "Alex." She said in her adorably serious tone. "Winn and James both want my apartment, so when I tell them  _both_ of our apartments are for sale, they'll fight each other for yours because it's the nicer one, and then the loser will buy mine."

 

Alex smiled genuinely at how excited this was making Kara. "Okay, yeah. Sure that'll work, except James can't have mine. He's a douchebag."

 

Kara laughed. "Alex, you're just over protective."

 

Alex stared sternly at Kara. "Winn gets the nice apartment. I. Don't. Like. James."

 

"Fine," Kara said amusedly.

 

Alex nodded. "You really think they'll buy them though?"

 

Kara nodded. "Yup! They hate their studio apartments and can't find anything remotely close to CatCo that is better and in their price range. They'll buy ours for at least $75,000. So, together we should get about 150,000 or more depending on what you charge Winn for yours. We could actually just buy a house with that!"

 

Alex's heart fluttered at the idea of getting a house together with Kara. "Whatever you want, Kar'." She said thickly.

 

Kara chortled cutely. "You keep saying that. You have a say too, you know."

 

"No." Alex shook her head. "I meant whatever house you want; we can get. I have about $30,000 in savings so we can use twenty-five of it to add on if you want."

 

Kara sighed and plopped onto the couch next to Alex. "This isn't going to be fun if you aren't excited about it too. You have a say, Alex, and I want you to voice your opinion. If you don't want this, we don't have to do this."

 

Alex's heart ached because she was making Kara sad, so instinctually she began to act as if she were really excited about the idea. "No! I really do want this! It would be so awesome to live together again! Us against the world. I just wasn't sure if you were joking or not."

 

Once Alex's 'excitement' became convincing and apparent, Kara's smile beamed at her, melting the brunette's heart. All this heart-shattering pain was worth it as long as she got to see Kara smile like that. "Really!?!' The blonde asked excitedly.

 

The agent nodded. "Really." 

 

 

 

**XXX**

 

 

 

The next day, Alex was riding in the elevator of CatCO to the 39th floor of the building to surprise Kara with lunch. Potstickers, and two Pumpkin Spice latte with extra foam and a sprinkle of cinnamon on top -Kara's go to coffee-. When the doors opened, she stepped through, ignoring all of the confused stares and walked to Kara's desk. Much to her chagrin, Kara wasn't at her desk; she was sitting with Cat Grant in her office laughing at something with the older woman. The agent sighed and sat down at her younger sister's desk to wait.  

 

She watched Cat's longing looks at Kara and immediately felt the older woman's pain. Kara seemed just as oblivious to Cat's love towards her, as she was to Alex's. It hurt to know that Cat had a better chance, but it seemed as though Cat didn't have one either. Kara was as straight as they came. Her infatuation with James was proof.

 

She sighed and swallowed back the heart ache just as the dark skinned man she loathed walked by. She looked up at the man, and his eyes widened in fear. The brunette smirked at knowing the younger man was still so thoroughly intimidated by her and stood up from the chair she was occupying to walk towards him. "Hello, Jimmy. It seems as though we need to have a little chat."

 

The man was nervous, that much was obvious from the way his face became red and his eyes scrambled to focus on anything _but_ Alex. "I- Uh... Right now isn't the best time? M-maybe later?"

 

Alex shook her head. "There's no time like the present, Jimmy." She said with a smirk, knowing full well that he hated being called anything but James.

 

James looked as if he wanted to say something to Alex about the name, but thought better of it and nodded in compliance. "O-okay."

 

'Why the hell do you think that it's okay to repeatedly hurt my sister without a second thought and then get mad at her when she doesn't accept your apologies?"

 

James gulped before clearing his throat and speaking. "I-I'm not perfect, and that is something I wanted her to understand, and I was upset when she didn't seem to."

 

Alex scoffed. "She understands that no one is perfect, if she didn't she wouldn't have forgiven me the dozens of times she has. She just isn't obligated to forgive a man who repetitively hurts her and then just  **expects** her to act like it never happens. You need to grow the hell up or the next time I see you I'm going to kick your pathetic ass. You hear me?"

 

The man nodded with widened eyes. "Y-yes."

 

Alex smirked wickedly internally before gesturing for the man to leave, which he quickly did without any form of protest.

 

The DEO Agent smiled triumphantly as she sat back down at her sister's desk. No matter who it was, or how they did it, if someone hurt _her_ Kara, Alex would destroy them, and she was glad that everyone they knew seemed to understand that.

 

After a few moments of waiting, Kara exited the office and looked happily surprised when she made eye contact with her big sister, which made Alex's day. "Alex? I thought you were going to be at work all day?"

 

Alex stood up from her seat and smiled as she enveloped her younger sister into a tight hug. "I was, but I convinced J'onn to let me see you because I was bored and missed you."

 

The smile she got in response to that made Alex's heart flutter. "Well, I am glad to see you! I'm so excited about the move! I've narrowed it down to three houses! Would you like to help me choose?"

 

Alex nodded with a smile that was only half fake. "I would love to!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

The next week after picking out the house and selling the apartments had been bliss for Alex, she and Kara had grown closer than ever which sparked hope inside of her stronger than she'd ever had before. They laughed more, talked deeper, and hugged more frequently. Alex was in heaven, but she knew the high wouldn't last forever, and she was correct.

 

The week following was utterly devastating. They were moving their things in, and instead of hiring a moving crew as Alex had suggested, Kara had wanted to save their money for decorations, so she had insisted on enlisting the help of her friends, Alex, however, didn't see them as friends. She saw them as Every. Other.Person. In love. With. Kara. The team consisted of James, Winn, Lena Luthor, and Cat Grant (Yes, Holier than thou Cat Grant picked up a box or two. That's how persuasive Kara was.). Alex felt extremely jealous the entire time the moving was going on, and she realized that living with Kara would be just as equally painful as it was blissful.

 

The week of painting began shortly after week two finished, and they once again were the: happy, care free Danvers sisters like they always had been until Kara mentioned something that destroyed Alex entirely. 

 

They were painting the living room a shade of Red that Sherwin Williams named 'Heartfelt,' when Kara decided to drop a bomb on Alex. "So, Miss Grant asked me to go to dinner with her tomorrow."

 

Alex felt as if she had just gotten punched in the gut... It was happening. Kara was going to be stolen away already. She nodded and smiled at her sister. "Oh? What did you say?" She asked in what she hoped was her normal voice.

 

Kara smiled at her. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her old white ripped and paint-stained jeans that she usually painted her pieces in, with her old pink hoodie that was much too big on her. "Well, I said yes, obviously." Alex's smile was almost impossible to force on her face, so she just nodded and pretended to be very focused on painting around the floor trim. Cat Grant was stealing her sister, and Alex couldn't pretend that it wasn't killing her. That was until Kara finished her sentence. "I think she's going to promote me!" Kara said excitedly.

 

Alex chuckled. That was a possibility, but it was more plausible that Cat Grant had finally asked the adorably oblivious Assistant of hers out on a date, and the adorably oblivious assistant said yes because she is clueless when a person was in love with her. Which is why she had no idea that the five closest people in her life are head-over-heels for her.

 

Apparently, Kara took that chuckle a little differently, because she looked entirely downtrodden. "You don't think I've earned it yet?" She asked with hurt coating every syllable.

 

Alex immediately shook her head. "No! That's not at all what I was laughing about. I was scoffing, Kara." She lied.

 

Kara corrugated her brows. "Why? Don't you think I should be promoted?"

 

Alex sighed. " _Of, course._ I do! I was scoffing because I think you should've been promoted three weeks in. You deserve so much more than what she's giving you, Kara." It was true, she did think all of those things, but it wasn't the reason why she chuckled. She chuckled because Kara was being oblivious once again, and Cat was in for a rude awakening.

 

Kara smiled widely at Alex, before finishing the last few swipes of her paint brush and kissing her older sister on the cheek. "We did an amazing job, Alex! When it dries tomorrow we can finally unpack all of the furniture! We're finally going to be able to call this place home!"

 

Alex smiled at the woman of her dreams. Living in this arrangement would be painful, but moments like this would continue to happen. Moments where Kara was all hers and smiling brightly and being her goofy, adorkable self, and it would make all the pain worth it. Being around Kara was always bittersweet, but the sweetness would always be worth the bitterness. "Wherever you are, is home to me, Kar'," Alex said thickly.

 

Kara beamed at her sister and kissed her other cheek. "It's the same way for me, Al."

 

Alex smiled, she knew Kara meant well, she Knew Kara meant well, but the only thing she wanted to say was.  _No, it's not. It has never been, and it kills me a little bit more every day. "_ I'm thankful that it is." She said with a yawn. "I'm tired though, so I'm going to hit the hay. See you in the morning?"

 

Kara nodded as she stretched her arms above her head and yawned. "See you in the morning. You want eggs or do you want PB&J waffles?"

 

Alex laughed. "Surprise me."

 

"The last time I did that you were mad at me the whole day!"

 

"The last time I asked you to surprise me you made me boiled slugs with Tartar Sauce," Alex said humorously.

 

"They were a delicacy on Krypton! I was only thirteen, Alex." Kara rebutted. "And they're very healthy for humans, no matter how disgusting they are."

 

They both laughed and hugged each other goodnight.

 

That night Alex couldn't sleep, so she pondered upon something that J'onn had suggested.  _"Just write a letter to her. You don't have to have any intent on giving it to her, just write about everything you've ever felt about her, and it might make you feel a little bit better."_

 

And so Alex did. She rummaged through some of her boxes and found a note book and a pen and started to write her feelings away.

 

_My, Dearest, Kara._

 

 _It goes without saying that you are by far the most important person in my Entire life. No one will understand the lengths that I would go through just to make you smile._   _But the thing is that you aren't just important to me because you are my sister, you are so important to me because you are my sister, but you're not. You've always been more to me than just a sister._

 

_I want you, Kara. I want you in the deepest sense, but most innocent form. I want to say goodnight to you, and fall asleep in your arms. I want to wake up next to you and kiss you good morning. I want to give you forehead kisses and for you to know that they mean more than just 'I've got your back, Sis.' I want you to realize that they mean "You've got me, now please, can I have you?"_

 

_If you can't tell, what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you. I have been in love with you for so long that I can't even remember a time when I wasn't. So when that day arrived when you had your first date, it was so **damn** hard to know that I never had a chance with you, and I knew with a sinking feeling that it was only going to get worse because losing hope isn't an event. It doesn't just happen once; it happens over and over again._

_I lose hope every time you gush about a crush. I lose hope every time I think about prom and how close I was to just kissing you on the dance floor. I lose hope when the song we used to 'playfully' slow dance to in the kitchen when we were teens plays on the radio, and I realize that that always meant more to me than it did to you, or when I see you throw away something from our child hood._

 

_I lose hope every time I think of kissing you, or holding you, or how badly I want you, and realize that you aren't interested in me as anything more than a sister and best friend. But, Kara, I want to kiss you so badly, I want to love you, and hold you, and touch you in the ways that only lovers do. I know you'll never read this, and I know I'll never get to do any of those things, and I know that you'll never be mine, but I just needed to write this down. I needed to tell you that I have never done anything disgusting with my attraction towards you. That I've never acted on them besides the night when I kissed you, and that I never will. I respect you, and I love you, and I will honor your wishes to remain sisters._

 

_\- I love you more than anything,_

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             _Alex_

Alex finished writing the note, folded it up, and was about to put it in her desk drawer when she heard her bedroom begin door open. Once she heard the door creak she hurriedly put the paper in her pocket do that Kara wouldn't notice, and turned her swivel chair around to see her sister standing in her door way."Hey, sis. I was just wondering if you could pick up some milk on your way home from work tomorrow, I would do it but I spent all my money on the paint for the living room, and I am broke until Friday when I get paid."

 

Alex nodded reflexively. "Yeah, of course I can. Anything else?"

 

Kara smiled sheepishly. "I kinda broke your iPod..."

 

Alex playfully rolled her eyes. "Of course you did. What'd you do this time?"

 

 "I dropped it... then I tried to catch it with super speed, and I accidentally broke it in half," Kara said bashfully.

 

Alex laughed while her heart melted at the adorableness Kara was showing. "You're a goof."

 

When Kara and Alex finished talking, and Kara went to her own bedroom, Alex changed her clothes, threw them in her hamper, and put on some more comfortable pajamas before lying in bed and sleeping the best she had slept in months.

 

**XXX**

 

The next morning Alex and Kara sat at the table eating PB&J waffles. "So where is your dinner tonight?"

 

Kara shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure, probably somewhere fancy knowing Miss Grant. She doesn't settle for anything less than the best."

Alex nodded. Cat being in love with Kara proved the younger sister's point. "That's true; she's definitely a snob."

 

Kara chuckled. "You have to get to know her better. Her whole Evil-Regal façade is just to prevent her from being walked all over in the male-dominated world, and to cover up her insecurities and past heartbreaks. She really is a good person."

 

Alex frowned and nodded. "If you say so."

 

Kara chuckled. "I do say so. Oh! By the way, I still have some dirty laundry from my apartment, if you have anything that needs to be washed, I'll put them in with my load if you want."

 

"Yeah, I do have a few things from before we moved in my hamper, but I'm going to be late if I don't get going, do you mind getting it out of my room?"

 

Kara nodded. "I'll do it before I leave for dinner with Cat."

 

Alex put her plate and silverware in the sink before turning around to kiss Kara on the cheek goodbye. "Sounds good. Thank you. I'll see you after your dinner, okay?"

 

Kara smiled. "Okay. Be safe!"

 

Alex looked over her shoulder as she opened the door and smiled. "I always am."

 

**XXX**

 

Alex's work day was filled with processing Alien criminals and finishing reports, so after picking up the milk she had promised Kara, she was on her way home with the sole intent of resting and then when Kara got home, listening to Kara talk about her Dinner Date with Cat Grant. SHe sighed, she was tired, her feet hurt, and she wasn't quite sure how she was going to be able to manage a façade of interest, but she was going to have to do it some how.

 

She pulled into their driveway, locked her car door, and unlocked the front door. When she walked through it, she caught sight of her sister sitting on their newly unpacked couch and staring at a piece of paper. She furrowed her brows because Kara should have left about twenty minutes ago for her dinner but shrugged it off and walked into the kitchen to put the milk away. She walked back into the living room and looked more closely at the paper her sister was holding, and her entire body gave out all at once. She collapsed into the recliner that was behind her and fought to keep herself breathing.

 

It was the letter.

 

_Shit._

 

Kara looked up to Alex with wide eyes. "You're in love with me?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

Alex couldn't prevent the panic attack this time. She felt the fear begin like a cluster of sparklers in her abdomen. The tension grew in her limbs, and her head started to ache as the carousel of fears began to spin out of control. Her breathing became more rapid and shallow. She felt her ribs heaving for air as if they were bound by chains, straining to inflate her lungs as she realized it was over. Kara knew now, and this was the end. She was trembling, and it was impossible for her not to realize that she was sweating profusely.

In those moments of her own personal tsunami of emotions she understood why drug addicts did what they did, it was to stop the ability to feel.  Because the pain she felt now was insurmountable, and she'd do just about anything to make it stop. The thoughts of suicide that she had once fought so hard and finally conquered came back, she wanted them to go away but they wouldn't, not when she was losing the one thing that mattered to her. Not when the love of her life was about to be disgusted by her, and only stay with her out of familial obligation (if she stayed at all).

Her heart was hammering painfully inside of her chest cavity. The room began to spin, and when she tried to stand, she was trembling so severely that her legs were unstable and the brunette fell to the floor, only to get caught at the last second by the sister that she was sure she had just lost. She tried to focus her vision on her sister, to apologize and beg her to forgive her but her sight was blurry, and darkness was creeping in as her hyperventilating deprived her brain of the oxygen it needed, as her tongue refused to obey any sort of command.

Her eyes blurred further while the tears began to well up and start to fall from her eyes. Everything became fuzzy and then soon she saw nothing at all. Her consciousness was fading until the only two senses remaining were that of touch and hearing. She felt her sister's arms around her and her lap beneath her head as she heard Kara's muffled voice echoing in her head. "Alex, Alex it's okay. Stay with me, please."

And  _God,_ did she try. She worked so hard to snap out of it because she could hear the fear in her baby sister's voice, but she couldn't because her panic and guilt caused her consciousness to start drifting further into an empty and unfamiliar space filled with thick static, and soon her hearing went out. The only sense left was feeling, and it was only acutely there as Alex felt her body being lifted by whom she could only assume was still her dutiful little sister. 

 

Finally, she felt her body drain away until all that was left was blackness.

 

**XXX**

 

Alex awoke without warning; her eyes flung so wide that the light immediately stung them and she slammed them close once again. She slowly realized that her head was throbbing and that her mouth was incredibly dry. She licked her lips, trying to moisten them when suddenly, all of her memories of what had just happened came tumbling back into her mind. She began to panic again when she heard Kara enter the room and speak gently. "Hey, Al. It's okay; you're okay."

Alex squinted her eyes open to look at the younger woman, terrified of what she would see on her sister's face and finally noticed that she was tucked nice and cozy into her bed. She smiled slightly at the thought of Kara doing this for her before she looked back to the blonde and felt her heart clench in her chest. "I-I'm sorry." She said with a sore throat and hoarse voice. "I-" She paused and shook her head. "I will leave if you want. I can find somewhere else to stay. C-can we please stay sisters? Please? I can lose you, Kara... I can't. I need my sister. I need _you_." She was crying now, and Kara was instantly at her side.

"Alex, of course you won't lose me. You don't have to move out. I just need time to.. process this. Okay?"

Alex continued to cry but nodded her head in affirmation. "W-whatever you need. I-I'm so sorry that I d-did this to us." She cried.

"Oh, Alex. It's okay, I'm so so sorry that I was so clueless. I feel like you deserved so much better than what I've been. I should've noticed how severely it bothered you when I talked about my relationships and crushes. I let you down, and I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better, and I will be that sister. I will be the sister you deserve." Kara cried. "You deserve to be happy."

Alex felt guilt pour through her soul and started to cry harder. "Kara you are the best. I shouldn't have fallen for you. I'm so sorry. 

Kara shook her head vehemently. "No, I should've made an environment where you felt safe enough to come to me about this. You shouldn't have had to suffer so much because you were scared of losing me."

Alex shook her head. "You still might, Kara... it hasn't sunk in yet... You might want things to change between us, and that's... that's okay. I understand. Because you're my... my  _sister."_ She said the last word with so much pain that she knew Kara could hear it. "And I love you no matter what." She tried and failed to swallow the lump in her throat, the pain from finally admitting it was enough to kill her right on the spot. "Kara, this isn't your fault, you aren't a mind reader. I-I'll be fine. You should probably get ready for your dinner with Cat."

 Kara frowned. "I will never leave you, Alex. You're my sister, and Cat and I had to reschedule, it's Tuesday now. "

 Alex's eyes bulged from her head it was just Monday when she had her attack. "W-what time is it?"

 "Two-Thirty-Six," Kara said, and Alex relaxed. It had only been a few hours. "P.M."

 Alex's eyes bulged out further. "2:36 PM!?! Kara, you're gonna get fired for being late to Cat Grant's office." (She knew Cat wouldn't fire her, but Kara was still oblivious so... whatever.) "And Hank is going to chew my ass for being so late! Why didn't you wake me?!"

 Kara smiled. "I called you off sick. And I told Cat that I'd be in after I handled some critical _personal_ business. We're fine."

 Alex smiled sadly as she looked to the sheets and away from Kara. "I'm grateful for that, and I'm even more grateful that you're giving me a chance, but I need to know. Where do we stand?"

Kara let go of Alex and smiled at her fondly, but it was strained, and Alex could see it. It broke the Agent's heart. "Well, I think we should take a few days to ourselves, and regroup. Then we're going to have a talk, and we go from there." She said almost convincingly chirpy, but Alex knew... She could hear it in Kara's voice... She was confused and worried.

 Alex didn't push though; she didn't want to make things worse. It was hard knowing that she and Kara weren't going to be speaking for a few days, it was even harder not knowing how long they'd be away from each other, and even more difficult knowing that when they finally did speak Kara could leave her, especially if she pushed her luck. "O-okay. That seems fair."

"We'll get past this, Alex. I just need to wrap my head around all of this, okay? I love you." Kara said with a warm smile, but her eyes were clouded over with trepidation, something that Alex dreaded to see in her baby sister's eyes, so she put on her fake smile and nodded. 

"I know we will, Kar'." She lied. She was 95% sure that Kara would think about this for a few days, and would eventually decide that it would be too hard to be Alex's sister anymore, and leave. 

Kara smiled and kissed Alex's head. "I made you some food and squeezed you some orange juice. Are you okay if I head off to work for a few hours?"

Alex nodded, and Kara beamed at her. "I promise it'll only be a couple of days. Then we will talk. Okay? I love you. Please remember that. You are always going to be a huge part of my life; I just need to think about what to do and how to make this easier for you, because I never meant to hurt you, and I hate myself for this." Kara said with tears in her eyes. "I'm so, so, sorry Alex."

"I told you already, Kar' this wasn't your fault it was mine for not being honest, I just wasn't sure how you'd react."

Kara nodded and wiped away a few tears from her own eyes. "I under stand that, Alex. But you suffered so much because of me, and I can't take that back. I love you so much, and I never wanted to. I've always wanted to protect you, and make you feel important, and loved, but I did the opposite of all of those things, and that's on me. I should've been more attentive; I should've made you talk when you said you were fine. I love you, Alex.  I'm so sorry. Please know that we will be okay. I just need to think, all right?"

Alex smiled wistfully. "It's not your fault, Kara. I understand that you need time, and I'm happy to give it to you, now. Where's the food?" She asked with a convincing 'I'm okay'  façade. 

Kara laughed and hugged Alex, before leading her to the dining room table that was full of healthy breakfast foods, and a pitcher of orange juice. "I'll be back later, you eat and stay healthy, okay?"

Alex smiled sadly and nodded. "Okay."

Kara turned to leave, and when she reached the door she turned back to face Alex. "Just a few days, okay?"

She didn't believe that for a second, things between her and Kara would never be the same again and she knew it, but she had to fake it, she had to let Kara feel okay because this wasn't her fault. So Alex nodded and smiled mournfully, "Just a few days."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.
> 
> Also, Comments are like gold to me. Let me know how you feel!


	7. Chapter 7

'Just a few days' Turned into a few weeks, just as Alex had known it would. It killed her inside, to know that her idiotic idea to write that note had ruined everything, but what hurt the most was seeing Kara every day, having Kara make her breakfast, in the morning, and then only talking about cases at the DEO. That was the entirety of their relationship now. She craved just the simplest of activities with her. She missed their movie nights. She missed their long talks and their inside jokes. She missed it all. She missed hugging her, and their sisterly cheek/forehead kisses. She missed everything, and she wasn't coping well.

 

J'onn had told her just to give Kara time, that it was a huge adjustment for her, and that she would come around eventually, but J'onn had also told her to write that damn note, so she really didn't trust his judgment. So there she was, sat on a park bench in the middle of the afternoon when she was supposed to be at work. She really didn't care though; Kara was there working on a case and being so close to her younger sister was becoming too excruciating to be able to handle, especially knowing now for sure that

 

  1. Kara didn't feel the same way.
  2. She most likely lost Kara all together **and**
  3. She would never be happy again.



 

With everything going on she just wanted to give up, but she couldn't because she would always hold out hope that one day Kara would choose her, even though Alex knew she would never get so lucky.

 

She sat there at the park for a few more hours just trying to disencumber her mind, but mainly she was stifling back tears. The pain of knowing that she would never have Kara all but consumed her. It broke her in ways she could never have imagined. She was usually strong, confident, and fearless, but now she was none of those things, and she hated herself for letting herself break down when she had known this would be the outcome. Kara saw her as a sister, even though they weren't blood, and Alex had to get used to that. She had to convince Kara that she could be content with that, or she would lose Kara forever.

 

She sighed and stood up, ready to head back to the DEO and beg Kara to forgive her, when she felt something hit the back of her head forcefully, and immediately saw black.

 

**XXX**

 

When she awoke, she felt pain in her arms, which she noticed she was dangling from. When she opened her eyes, she saw that she was chained from the ceiling of some abandoned building, and was hanging about five feet from a large container of water. She tried to scream for help, but when she tried, she failed because her mouth was duct taped shut. Panic began to set in, especially when she saw that two other people were hanging above the same tub of water. James Olsen, and Cat Grant. 

 

She looked around and found no one to blame, so she relaxed just a little. She had time to escape. She started shaking the chains to try to escape but was met with a familiar laughter from behind.  _Livewire._

 

 _"_ Agent Danvers! So kind of you to join me!" The evil woman cackled.

 

Alex tried to speak through the tape and say "What the fuck do you want with us?" But all that came out was muffled noises.

 

The woman laughed. "I'm sure you're thinking 'What the hell am I doing here?' And the answer is, you're here so I can finally take down my two Arch Nemeses. One physically, the other I just want to ruin her hero complex because I'm pretty sure that emotionally destroying her is the only way that I can defeat her."

 

Alex was still confused and furrowed her brows, something that the white haired bitch seemed to notice as she scoffed and continued speaking. "Supergirl can't save Cat Grant, that bitch is going to die right in front of her.  _But,_ she can choose to save one of the other two most important people in her life: Her doting big sister or her on again off again boyfriend that she fawns over. My bet is on Tall Dark and Handsome over there." 

 

Alex's bet was on him too. Kara had been in love with James for over a year, and Alex had just screwed everything up with Kara a few weeks ago. This was it. Alex was going to die. That wasn't what bothered her. What bothered her was that Kara would blame herself, and probably lose control. That was something she soon realized she had to try to prevent, so she started shaking her chains violently causing Leslie to laugh. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," she warned. "If you did somehow manage to break those chains, you'd fall into the water, and all I'd have to do was touch it and fry you, which is exactly what I plan on doing later."

 

Alex froze. Of course that's what the plan was, water and electric don't mix, especially when you combine Livewires insanity with the two. Alex worried that when the other two awoke they would panic and cause the pulleys holding them to budge loose and lower them to their dooms. Mostly she worried about James. Cat Grant never did seem to care much about whether she lived or died. She fought back her tears as helplessness began to kick in and she realized she had no choice but to let this happen. It was all up to Kara right now whether she liked it or not. 

 

Soon, Cat Grant began to stir, and she finally awoke. Once she was fully conscious, Leslie began to explain everything to her as well. Cat chuckled behind her tape and rolled her eyes which seemed just to piss off the villain. Alex admired Cat's bravery it was something she valued highly in people. Not long after Cat awoke, James followed. He began to panic immediately and started to shake his chains even after Livewire told him what would happen if he dislodged the pulley.

 

 _Coward_ Alex thought to herself.

 

Livewire finally sent an electric current towards James that was powerful enough to knock him unconscious and rolled her eyes. "What an incompetent idiot. I'm not quite sure what your sister sees in him, Agent Danvers."

 

 _Neither am I._ Alex thinks.

 

After a few more minutes Livewire is interrupted by a wall smashing in causing dust to fill the air. After the cloud of dust dissipated, they saw Supergirl standing there glaring ferociously at the white-haired villain. "Let them go, Leslie," Kara demanded coldly.

 

Leslie cackled. "No, no dear. You see I'm only letting  _one_ go. The other two are going to die. One of those is Cat Grant."

 

Kara looked mortified, and Alex could see it, but she refused to let her terror show through on the outside. She couldn't make this harder on Kara than it already was. 

 

"I won't let you hurt them, Livewire. So just put them down." Kara said calmly as she reached out her hand to the white haired woman. "I don't want to have to hurt you. It's never to let to do the right thing, so just give me your hand, and together we can save them, and you can redeem yourself."

 

Alex could tell that Kara was not only terrified, but also infuriated by Leslie's actions, but was trying her hardest to break through to her without risking the lives of the three people hanging from the ceiling. The brunette also knew that her sister was trying to do something that was impossible but commended her for her efforts. Her beautiful, resilient, honest, and dependable Kara was doing her best to temper down her feelings for the sake of everyone else. Just like always. She smiled behind the duct tape as she felt a tear slip from her eye. At least she got to see Kara as she fell to her death. That was more than she could ask for. She could at least die at peace knowing that this was for Kara; she just hoped that it wouldn't destroy Kara too badly, that the younger woman wouldn't blame herself.

 

"Ha! You're not understanding the gravity of this situation, Supergirl." Livewire scoffed. "You see..." The villain said as she lifted up a remote. "I have no intention of leaving here with everyone unscathed. There are three people that you care about hanging above a pool filled with water that will fry them on the spot. Two of them are going to fall, and one of those two is your friend Catherine Grant. You can only save one of them, and if you try any games, all  _three_ of them will drop at once. Which one are you saving, Supergirl? Whose button shall I push, and whose shall I spare?"

 

Alex saw Kara look between her and James before bowing her head and murmuring her answer. Alex closed her eyes, knowing who Kara had chosen to save, and preparing herself for the fall. Once she began to fall, she let out a whimper but was shocked when she fell onto solid ground instead of electrified water. She opened her eyes to see Kara speeding towards her. "Are you okay?" She asked with panicked eyes, and she broke the chains and untaped her mouth. 

 

Alex tried to form a response, but only stuttered and stammered as she rubbed away the pain in her wrists. She nodded, and Kara smiled a half smile, which melted Alex's heart. Kara chose  _her_... But why? After a few moments of making sure Alex was okay, Kara stood up and began to fight Livewire. Supergirl had won, but in the end, there was a casualty... one that would definitely hurt Kara, but not the one Livewire had wanted most. 

 

Cat Grant was saved, Livewire was once again captured, but unfortunately, James Olsen was dead.

 

As the coroner zipped up the body bag and rolled James' body away, Kara was sat in a corner alone crying, something that shredded Alex's heart. She went over to her little sister and sat down beside her. SHe wanted to wrap her arms around her and comfort her, but she wasn't sure if she was allowed to do that anymore. So she sat next to her, letting the younger woman know that she wasn't alone, that Alex was there for her if she needed her. 

 

Alex was beginning to feel self-conscious but refused to move, her discomfort wasn't as important to her as Kara's emotional pain... She had lost  _everyone_ she loved, and once she began to love again, she lost her foster-father, and now the man that she as in love with to save her sister. But why? Alex was about to break their long heart-wrenching silence when she felt Kara's head rest upon her shoulder. Alex's breath hitched, but she smiled and wrapped her arms around her younger sister.

 

Alex didn't know much about where they stood at the moment, but she did know three things for sure

 

  1. That Kara had made sure Alex was safe before she rescued the others because she knew one of them could still be potentially hurt.
  2. That if Kara hadn't done that, it would be her in the body bag below, not James. 
  3. That there was hope for them after all



She held on to her sister a little tighter and asked the question that could relinquish number three. "You saved me." She said in a cracked voice. Kara nodded in response. "Why me?" She asked in an even more broken voice.

 

Kara raised her head and smiled through her tears. "Because you're my sister." Alex's heart plummeted, there was no chance for them as a couple. That hurt, but it was better than nothing. She fought to keep her broken heart beating until she heard Kara continue. "But you're not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do want to hear from all of you. Your comments mean the world to me! Please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter, I sincerely hope that you did!


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a month since James' funeral, and 40 days since his death. Kara had isolated herself from everyone but Alex, and although that made the older sister feel special, it still broke her heart to see Kara that way.

 

Alex felt guilty that she wasn't able to help Kara somehow during Livewire's captivity. She also felt guilty for remembering the last thing Kara had said to her- 'Because you're my sister. But you're not.'- Alex had said that in her letter that she had professed her love for Kara in... so she was confused beyond belief about what Kara had meant by that. She wanted so desperately to ask her, but she couldn't. Kara was still depressed and vulnerable. However, that didn't stop her from dwelling on it day in, and day out, letting herself hope that it meant that Kara was starting to feel the same way for Alex.

 

The youngest Danvers mainly stayed in her room, and she only ever left it when she wanted to take a shower, which was only about once a week to Alex's chagrin. She hadn't uttered a word or smiled since before that fateful day. Although, upon occasion, she would gesture for Alex to lay in bed and cuddle with her, to which Alex readily agreed to. She hated that she couldn't fix this for her baby sister, she hated that the younger woman had to choose, and she hated that Cat Grant had put Kara into this entire situation by being a shitty boss. 

 

She knew it wasn't entirely Cat's fault, but at this point, there was no one else to blame, so it felt right, and she had to do it.

 

Alex had been taking care of her little sister. She had been cooking for her (as best as she could). She even took time off from the DEO in an effort to stay close to Kara... just in case the younger woman needed her, but she missed her sister -the smiley, goofy, kind-hearted Kara Danvers that brought sunlight and happiness where ever she went.

 

So as she lay there with Kara silently laying in her arms and her head rested on Alex's chest, Alex tried once again to speak to her sister. "I wish you'd come back to us. We all miss you more than you could ever imagine. Especially Cat and I."

 

She was met with silence but _did_ receive a small squeeze in reply, causing Alex to smile. That was the most she'd gotten as a reply in over a month. It gave her hope that Kara would soon come around, so she continued to speak. "I miss talking to you, and I miss watching movies with you. I miss going out and making scenes in public with you from laughing too loudly. Not only that, I miss the food you cook for us. The food I've been making for us just isn't good. I can't cook and we both know it. Please, Kara, I'm sorry you had to go through this. But please, stop punishing yourself. This isn't fair to you. You deserve so much more out of life than this room."

 

Kara looked up and smiled sadly, which took Alex's breath away. She hadn't seen any other emotion on that beautiful in so long that she had forgotten how much she loved to see a smile, even if it didn't reveal her pearly white teeth. The blonde shook her head then, confusing Alex. "No? No what?"

 

Kara sighed and avoided eye contact. "You don't need me. Cat doesn't need me... No one needs me."

 

Alex's stomach turned at that reply. She was thrilled that Kara was finally speaking... but her heart ached at knowing that was how Kara felt about herself now. How the hell could Kara think that? Alex needed her... Kara had  _no idea_ just how much Alex needed her. "Kara..."

 

Kara shook her head. "I couldn't save you  _and_ James... I almost didn't save Miss Grant. I lost one of my best friends..."

 

Alex frowned. He was more than just a best friend to Kara. She had been in love with him, so why was she minimalizing their connection, her hurt? "K-Kara... I know that it hurts deeper because it was James. I know that you loved him, and it's okay for you to hurt. You can't bottle it up just because you know that I'm... you know..."

Kara shook her head. "No. I  _thought_ that I was in love with him, but I realized that I was just settling. He didn't treat me like a priority. I loved him, yes, he meant the world to me too, and losing him hurts so fucking bad, especially because it was my fault that he died, but-"

 

Alex interrupted. "It  **wasn't** your fault, Kara. Stop blaming yourself! I know how badly this hurts you, and I'm  _so fucking_ _sorry_ that I couldn't help you. I'm sorry I wasn't at work that day. I'm sorry that you had to choose. But Kara, you... You saved me. You saved Cat. Please stop hating yourself. It's not fair to any of us... I know you're hurting, we all know you are, and we hate it. Just let us help. Please, Kara. Don't take yourself away from us. We can't lose you...  ** _I_** can't lose you."

 

Kara finally looked into her older sister's eyes, letting the brunette see the pain and anguish, and regret that resided in the deep blue orbs. "You're not losing me."

 

Alex couldn't help it. She needed to know. "Then why, Kara? I know that my letter was a shock, and you have every right to hate me, but if you aren't leaving me. If we're still sisters, why?"

 

Kara frowned. "Why what?"

 

"Why haven't we been sisters in over three months?! I get that the last month and a half was hard, but the two months before that, you and I only saw each other in the mornings when you made breakfast (where we didn't say a word to each other) and then at the DEO where the only time we talked was during cases. So please Kara, why? I know I deserved it, but if you're not leaving... why?"

 

Kara frowned. "Because I was confused. I had no idea what to do... I wasn't expecting that. When I was doing laundry, I was going through your pockets to make sure that nothing valuable was in them, and when I touched the note, I thought it was money or something, so I took it out. Then when I realized that it wasn't, I was going to throw it away for you if it wasn't an important letter or something, so I decided to read the header to see if it was. When I read my name, I figured that since it was addressed to me that it would be okay to read... I wasn't expecting that, and I had no idea what to say or do or think... I just needed time, I wasn't planning on leaving you, and I'm still not. I just needed to think, thoroughly. I'm sorry for making you think that I could ever leave you, Alex.. because I could never do that. I couldn't imagine life without you." 

 

Kara sat up, leaned in, and kissed Alex on the cheek. Alex's heart beat fast, and she closed her eyes to revel in the feeling of Kara's lips pressed against her cheek. It was an amazing feeling even though it wasn't the kiss she craved the most.

 

Kara's last sentence made her need to know more than ever what Kara had meant before when she explained why she chose to save Alex over James. She took a steadying breath and began. "Kara... I'm going to ask you something, and I don't want to ruin this, I can't lose you... so please don't hate me for asking... okay?" She begged.

 

Kara nodded almost imperceptibly, granting Alex permission to continue. "Are you going to answer the question when I ask it?" Alex asked nervously.

 

 

Kara smiled a half smile and shrugged.  "Depends" She answered honestly.

 

Alex sighed and shook her head before asking the question that had consumed her mind for the past forty days. "What did you mean when you said that I'm your sister, but I'm not?"

 

Kara gulped and took a deep breath before leaning in and connecting her lips with Alex's.

 

Alex's breath hitched, butterflies filled her stomach as she instantly began to kiss Kara back like it was what she was born to do. She couldn't believe what was happening and prayed to any deity out there that it would continue to happen for the rest of eternity. It was only the first kiss, and already she was hooked, addicted even. (Which she had known she would be) She also knew that no one had ever, or could ever make her feel such an electric spark.

 

When Kara put her warm hands on either side of her face, the room fell away. Alex forgot where, or when she was, and how she was there, the only thing she knew was that she was finally,  _ **FINALLY**_ kissing Kara. Never before had she gotten so lost in a kiss, but she didn't mind, especially when Kara's tongue entered her mouth.

 

When they pulled back, Alex immediately missed the sensation of Kara's lips but looked at Kara with hope pouring out of her every pore.

 

Kara smiled sheepishly. "That." She said.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I apologize if there are any typos... I've been working a lot more recently, so I have been less and less able to write for extended periods of time.**
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> **Also, I'm not sure if I will continue this story... People have accused me of being racist for killing James (It'd be almost impossible for me to be racist against myself, but that's an interesting theory) And have been getting lots of hate from SuperCorp fans... I may continue, but I'm not quite sure if I should.**
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> **Please let me know if you've enjoyed this chapter, I really hope that you did.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say thank you, thank you,  **THANK YOU** , to all of my readers. <3 I was absolutely _crushed _by the accusations of racism and the hatred from the SuperCorp fans, but all of your love and support has me absolutely overwhelmed, and I could _never_ express how much your love and support has meant to me, especially with your love of my story. You will never know how much your comments and reviews on my stories mean to me, and I can't thank you enough. I know this chapter is extremely short, but I just needed to let you all know that I will continue this until I think that I've told the story thoroughly. I love you all so much, and your support means everything to me. I hope you enjoy this mini-chapter.__

Alex stared at Kara, as her heart pounded so loudly she thought it might be inside her head. She was stunned but thrilled, and hopeful. For some reason, however, Alex couldn't get herself to believe that Kara wanted this. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to speak as clearly as her voice would allow. "W-what does that mean for us, Kar'? Are we... together?"

 

Kara smiled. "Alex, we've always been together. It just took me a while to see it."

 

She couldn't help it; her heart rate sped up even faster as Kara spoke. Her hope climbed to an unreachable level. "What do you mean? Kara... I just want you to be sure this is what you want. You have to want this too, or else you'll be miserable, and that's not what I want. I want you to be as happy with me as I would be with you. If you don't see me this way, please don't do that. Because not only would you be miserable, but when you finally decided you couldn't do it anymore, you'd crush me."

 

Kara shook her head and grabbed Alex's hands. "No, Alex. That's not what this is at all. You are the only reason I've ever felt at home on this planet. You've been by my side through everything no matter how badly me randomly showing up in your family off centered your life. You've been there for me when I was afraid of the thunder. You stood by me when I marveled at the birds and embarrassed you. You were there when I couldn't control my powers, and when I had my first heart break... You've been there for me through it all. Every little thing that you did for me, means the world to me, Alex. It took me way too long to realize this, but we are more than sisters. We're soulmates... I love you, Alex. I'm so sorry that it took me so long to realize it, but I am so thankful that I read that note because if I hadn't, we might not be here right now."

 

Alex's heart fluttered as Kissed her hands. "S-so you're saying that you want this? That you want... me?" She asked nervously.

 

Kara nodded. "Yes, Alex. I want to be with you."

 

Alex's smile spread wide across her face. "Can I kiss you again?"

 

Kara nodded with a smile, and Alex wasted no time lunging forward and kissing her. The second kiss was no less magical than the first, and she thought for a moment that she could get used to this feeling, and be happy for the rest of eternity. The older sister pulled back, knowing that if the kiss deepened she wouldn't be able to control herself. She wasn't about to screw things up before they even started. They had a long way to go, and she wasn't sure how long it'd be before she was blessed with the opportunity to make love with Kara, but she knew damn well that she'd wait until Kara was ready and wouldn't dream of pressuring her.

When they pulled apart, Alex stared into her baby sister's eyes and smiled lovingly, everything she had ever dreamed of was finally happening after years of hoping and wishing. She was tired of lying and was eternally thankful that she didn't have to anymore. "I've been pretending to be happy for so long that I've forgotten what happiness even is," Alex admitted, which caused Kara to frown, but just before the Kryptonian began to speak, Alex continued. "I'm so used to being sad and empty that I don't even remember what it feels like to be happy. But if this is what happiness feels like, I've never been happy a day in my life.. this is.. this is ethereal... This can't be happy... this must be _Heaven_."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please let me know if you've enjoyed!


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a month. A **_month!_** Since Kara and Alex had shared their first  real kiss, and they'd been together secretly ever since. Alex was absolutely thrilled, but Thanksgiving was fast approaching, which meant her mother would be visiting them soon, and Alex wanted just to get telling her the truth over with. She would be devastated hearing her mother call her names, say she was corrupting Kara, and disown her, but the anticipation and anxiety of it all were overwhelmingly painful as well. She would much rather just get it over with and have Kara hold her while she cried, yet, for some reason, Kara was acting as if they _weren't_ going to be telling her, which unsettled Alex.

Kara and Alex had agreed to keep their relationship a secret for a while so that they could figure things out, but now that it had been a month Alex was more than ready to tell their closest friends and family, which unfortunately included Eliza.

Alex wanted Kara to feel comfortable when they did come out to the world, but she felt terrified that even if the younger woman was comfortable at first that when people caught wind that they were 'sisters' and the hate started coming in, Kara wouldn't be able to handle it. She was afraid of this mainly because Kara had always wanted more than anything to live a normal life... Dating your 'sister' was the furthest thing from normal, and it would draw attention to them both, and Alex knew that it'd be hard for the blonde. She just didn't know if it'd be hard enough to make Kara reconsider her relationship with Alex... and that petrified the agent more than anything.

Alex knew that Kara was still recovering from the devastation of losing one of her best friends, but it still hurt not to know where she stood on the subject. Not only that but she still, after almost six months, hadn't gotten the nerve to tell Kara about what had truly happened with Astra's death. Before Alex had been too consumed with heartache and guilt about being in love with her little sister to even think about the fact that she had killed one of two of her sister's last remaining blood relatives, but now that they were in a relationship it seemed even more wrong to hide it from her still. Relationships shouldn't have secrets, and Alex hated that they had started off their relationship with such a massive one.

They needed to talk, but Alex didn't want to seem insensitive about the timing. Especially since the death of James had been so recent. So as she sat waiting for Kara to come back from stopping a bank robbery, she had an internal battle with herself on whether to keep her mouth shut and let Kara decide when they would come out to everyone or to talk to Kara about how she was currently feeling about the situation. She sighed and glanced at the bar with a longing expression. "Stop judging me." She said to a bottle of whiskey that sat on a shelf.

Just as she said that the front door opened, "Who's judging you, sweetie?" Kara asked in a sweet tone. A tone that always sent butterflies straight to Alex's stomach.

She turned around and smiled at her girlfriend. "I was talking to the whiskey that you've forbidden me to drink."

Kara smiled as she plopped down onto the couch next to her sister. "I believe I specifically told you that I wanted alcohol to no longer a thing for you because you've been drinking too much for far too long and I care about your health."

Alex groaned. "Just one? Pwetty Pwease?" She asked with a pouted lip.

Kara laughed and shook her head. "And they say I'm the childish one."

Alex smiled. "Well, that's just because I put on a tough exterior, and you're the lovable cuddle-able little Danvers."

Kara looked into Alex's eyes with a smile, but it soon turned into a frown as she seemingly noticed something. "You're hiding something. Something is bothering you, and it's about me... Alex?"

Alex gulped and looked away. If she told Kara that she wanted to tell Eliza, it could cause a fight, or worse... a break-up. And if she told her about Astra... she hadn't a clue what would happen."I-... nothing. It's just work stuff." She lied with as much confidence as she could gather.

A look of hurt flashed on Kara's face. "You're not happy with me..."

Alex's stomach dropped to the floor. "No!" She yelled, which, Kara being Kara, she took that as Alex saying 'NO, I'm not happy.'

Kara nodded. "I understand... w-we'll always be sisters though, right?" She asked while her voice cracked.

Alex began panicking and grabbed Kara's wrist as the Kryptonian began to stand. "No! Kara, baby... I couldn't imagine going back to being just sisters. I freaking love you!"

Kara frowned more. "So, you don't want to break up?"

Alex shook her head vehemently. " **Never**!" She said sternly.

Kara smiled and pulled Alex up and into a kiss. "I love you." She said as the kiss ended and their foreheads rested together.

Alex smiled through her kiss induced haze. "I love you too, Alien Girl."

Kara grinned fondly at her before she picked Alex up, and sat down on the couch with the older sister in her lap. She cocooned Alex in her arms and rested her chin atop of her head before speaking more gently. "Please tell me what's bothering you then."

Alex inhaled deeply before speaking. "It's just that... I." She paused trying to figure out how to word her response.

"You what, babe?" Kara prodded softly.

"I want to tell my mom about us, and maybe our friends too, but I don't feel like you're ready and I don't know why." She admitted as her heart began trying to pound its way out of her chest. She felt Kara tense and instantly knew that she shouldn't have told her yet, but she couldn't lie to her... it never felt right, and when she tried Kara almost always saw through it.

"A-Alex... I'm not ready for that yet... It took you years to realize that you were gay, and even longer to get the courage to come out to me... You can't force me into this. I'm sorry, Al. I'm just not ready." Kara admitted.

Alex fought back her tears. "Is it because you're embarrassed?"

Kara pulled Alex away from her chest and looked her in the eyes. "Of what?" She asked.

"This." Alex clarified as she gestured with her hand between them. "Of being with me. Of being bisexual. Of being in a relationship with your big sister."

Kara's face grew from concerned and passionate, to firm and serious. "I. Am. Not. Ashamed. Of. Us." She said sternly before drawing Alex in for a resolute kiss. When She pulled away, the Kryptonian looked just as strict as before. "You are my sister, but you're _not_. Remember that?"

Alex nodded. She wanted to respond vocally but was too breathless from the kiss, and the butterflies in her abdomen and chest from the austere tone of Kara's words. (and the words in general).

Kara seemed pleased. She kissed her sister's forehead and spoke again. "Good. Now, why on Earth would you ever think for a second that I'd be ashamed of you? You've been the one constant in my life since I was thirteen years old. I could never be ashamed of you."

Alex was ecstatic to hear that Kara wasn't ashamed of their relationship, but she was still concerned that Kara would change her mind once they went public and the repercussions of dating her foster sister started to kick in. "Because I'm your sister, and people aren't going to be too thrilled about us being together, they're going to think that we need counseling or that I polluted you or something. I don't know, but I do know that you'll never have a normal life."

Kara shook her head. "It wouldn't be that bad, Alex... We aren't blood; this isn't incest. I was never even adopted, it's perfectly legal, Al. We'll be fine."

Alex sighed, she didn't have the heart to tell her overly optimistic girlfriend that it would be much harder than she was anticipating. She wanted this to just all go away so that she could cuddle up to the love of her life and relax after a long day, but they needed to clear this up so that Alex would feel more secure and so that they were on the same page. "Do you plan on hiding us forever?" She asked nervously.

Kara shook her head. "I don't know. I never really thought about this much after we decided to keep it secret for now... I mean Alex, it's only been a month... We can't rush this. This is all new to me. I've never even thought of a girl in a romantic light until I read your note. You've got to give me time, baby. I'm still a gayby."

Alex chuckled. "Did you really just say 'gayby'?"

Kara nodded with her adorkable smile. "I did. I'm a baby gay. I'm a gayby."

"Alright, alright... you're right, as usual. We will wait until you're comfortable, but I'm still nervous about how the fallout will affect your decision."

Kara frowned. "Then why come out as a couple at all? If you're scared, then we shouldn't do it. Our relationship is no one's business but our own. Plus, nothing anybody said or did to me would affect my feelings for you. Okay?"

Alex smiled and nodded. She didn't believe that for a second. She saw how devastated Kara was about the entire town hating her because of her Red Kryptonite tirade. So if it were her closest friends and family hating _Kara_ instead of Supergirl, she was sure that it would change Kara's mind, or at least make her question whether or not she wanted to be in a relationship with Alex anymore. "Okay." She said.

Kara smiled brightly before kissing Alex once more. "Good." She said before moving Alex off of her lap and onto the couch and standing while she stretched. "I'm going to go and take a shower, and then I'm going to hit the hay. Today was exhausting, even for a Kryptonian like myself."

Alex chuckled as she watched her love walk towards the bathroom down the hall. She really was a lucky one.

She was glad that they'd finally talked about one of the huge problems that they were having, although she was still a bit nervous about the outcome once they finally announced their relationship, she trusted Kara to lean on her if things got too hard. They were happy, and Alex was ready to scream their relationship status from the rooftops, but she realized now that they definitely couldn't go public until there were no more secrets between them. She just hoped that whenever she finally got the nerve to tell the truth about Astra's death, Kara wouldn't change her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the Astra situation didn't come off too surprising I tried to hint at it in Kara's speech in the last chapter, making a little clue that she wasn't aware that Alex was the one that killed her. But It was subtle so I'm not quite sure if anyone caught it or not. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think!! <3 I love you all!


	11. Chapter 11

Three weeks later, Alex and J'onn were sparring in the training room. Alex was trying her hardest to focus, but she was still plagued with guilt. When Hank swung his left hand to connect with her gut, Alex hesitated a second too long and the man's fist connected with her stomach knocking the wind out of her. The woman grunted and fell to her knees, and Hank was instantly at her side. 

 

"Danvers! Are you okay?" He asked as he placed his hand gently on her shoulder. The woman took a minute to get her bearings back, but when she could finally breathe, she nodded to the man. Her surrogate father seemed less than pleased as he stood up and offered her a hand to help her stand. "You've been distracted and gloomy recently. What is bothering you? You should be happy; you've finally got your girl!" He said with a smirk.

 

Alex's eyes widened in shock; she hadn't told anyone yet, due to respecting Kara's wishes. "How did you-"

 

"Oh please, Alex. Do you think SUpergirl is the only one with super hearing?" 

 

Alex blushed. "Oh... I didn't really think about that..."

 

Hank rolled his eyes. "Must be a Danvers trait." He said sarcastically.

 

Alex smiled a bit before turning to walk away. She couldn't talk to Hank about this... It'd be too hard to explain that him suffering Kara's wrath for the past six months might all be in vain. 

 

"Danvers, if you don't tell me what's wrong in the next five seconds I'm just going to read your mind anyway."

 

Alex turned around slowly, her head tilted towards the floor and spoke. "I have been lying to myself, faking a smile, telling myself everything is okay. Everything I know and want, I have yet, it all is based on lies. None of it is real. None of this could ever be real until I tell her the truth."

 

Hank frowned and vehemently shook his head. "Alex, you are the best agent I have ever seen. You are the most loyal, and faithful person I have ever seen, and you are the most in love person I have ever seen. That girl loves you just as much, but if you tell her the truth you will not only have taken away her Aunt, but you will be taking away her girlfriend, and sister away as well. If she finds out that you killed Astra, she will be devastated, but knowing that you've been lying to her for the past six months will destroy her and your relationship and sisterhood all together. She will still hate me wither way because I lied for you, so there is no point in hashing up stuff that doesn't need to be. You will destroy yourself and Kara if you tell her the truth."

 

Alex nodded her head sadly. J'onn was right. Telling Kara the truth would be catastrophic, and counterproductive. She would have to endure the anguishing guilt and shame silently. This was her punishment for killing someone she could've just injured. THis was her punishment for lying to the love of her life for months. It was still better than losing Kara, but it was still torturous.   "You're right." She said. "I won't tell her."

 

J'onn nodded. "It's for the best." He said as he wrapped her in a hug. "You're Supergirl's hero, if she loses you, we lose Supergirl... at least the _good_ one."

 

Alex nodded as she wiped the tears that tried to spill from her eyes. "I know... I know."

 

 

 

Alex's day continued on as normal, except when Kara missed their lunch date... It bothered her, but she figured she was just busy with Cat Grant's inability to be independent. So, around 5 pm, she sent a text to Kara to brighten her day.

 

**Alex** : Don't worry about supper, Kar'. I'll just bring home some take out from that health obsessed restaurant by Noonan's ;) Love you.

 

Fifteen minutes had passed, and she still had received no reply. Now a bit worried, she texted again.

 

**Alex** : Kara? I know you're busy, but can you please just text me to know that you're okay?

 

It took five minutes for the bubble with three dots signifying Kara was typing, to disappear and a text to take its place.

 

**Kara** : I'm not okay. Not at all. Come home.  _Now_.

 

And without a thought, Alex zipped out of her chair, grabbed her keys, and sped all the way home. The entire drive was absolute torment. She was terrified. That text wasn't an "I need you to come home so I can cuddle" vicious. It was a 'You fucked up MAJYORLY' Vicious. The fact that there were no emojis or parentheses faces made that very clear. Kara was pissed, and Alex had no idea what she had done. So as she turned on her police siren so that she could speed faster than she normally did, she started to self-torture, because she was an involuntary masochist.

 

_She's leaving me._

 

_She realized how wrong it is to be with her big sister, and she's probably disgusted with me for convincing her otherwise._

 

_She probably just wants to break up with me and tell me that she's sorry face to face and then ask me to go back to being her big sister._

 

_She hates me._

 

_She realized she never loved me romantically._

 

She hated that her brain turned into a masochistic monster whenever something remotely scary with Kara happened, she hated the pain and anxiety it caused her, but no matter what she tried to tell herself, it continued. What made it even worse was that any of those scenarios could be true... She just didn't know which one it was, or if it was even worse than the ideas she conjured up in her head.

 

The Agent pulled into the drive way of their house and parked. She sat in the car for a few more moments to try to hide her terror behind a façade of curiosity, but she wasn't confident that it would work because she was more horrified than she had ever been before.

 

She finally managed to get the courage to finally get out of the car and walked up to the front door. She paused once her hand was on the doorknob and inhaled as deep as she possibly could before she finally opened the door and walked into the house. When she entered, she set her keys on their designated hook and entered into the living room where she saw her little sister standing there with three suitcases in front of her and the deadliest glare Alex had ever seen the woman wear. 

 

"Kara?" She asked with a shaky voice.

 

"I'm leaving."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked for more angst (Which I had already planned on giving) So I obliged!
> 
> Let me know what you think! Your comments mean the world to me!


	12. Chapter 12

Alex's heart exploded in her chest with fear. Kara must've come early for lunch and overheard them talking about Astra's death. "Kara, I'm so fucking sorry."

 

Kara stood firm. "Why would you do this?" She asked exasperatedly. She didn't sound mad, but she looked extremely annoyed.

 

Alex started crying. "K-kara please I'm so fucking sorry. I-I didn't think it'd ever come up. But then we got together, and my guilt from being in love with you faded, and then my guilt from hiding the fact that I was letting you believe Hank had done it took over."

 

Kara's glare turned into realization and shock as she stumbled backward into the desk. "Alex... w-what are you saying? What did you let me believe Hank had done? P-please don't tell me it's what I'm thinking.  _Please_."

 

Alex froze. If this wasn't about Astra's death, why was Kara so angry? Why was she leaving? Had Alex's subconscious exaggerated the intensity of Kara's anger? Had she only been annoyed? She replayed the last few minutes and realized that Kara had been glaring, but there was more annoyance to her face than anger, and she gulped... She had just fucked up... severely. "I-" She trailed off, cleared her throat and tried again. "Why are you leaving?"

 

Kara shook her head. "You don't get to drop this huge ducking bombshell and then change the subject!" She growled. "WHAT DIDN'T HANK DO!?"

 

Alex's heart was throbbing painfully in her chest. Her throat was tightening up, and her stomach was in knots... she felt like she was going to have another panic attack, but she started counting slowly to try to resist it as much as possible. She needed to fight for Kara. She could pass out, and then wake up without her sister in her life anymore. "H-he didn't kill her." She squeaked out as she placed a hand on the back of their leather recliner to balance herself.

 

Kara looked like she was in emotional turmoil but shook her head, "He didn't kill who?" She asked, obviously trying to give Alex the benefit of the doubt even though they both knew who the older Danvers was referring to.

 

"Kara... please," Alex begged through her tears.

 

The younger sister shook her head. "WHO!?"

 

Alex whimpered as more tears flowed down her face. "A-Astra."

 

Kara let out a loud sob. "Please tell me it was Vasquez. It was Vasquez that killed her, right Alex? It was Vasquez, but she begged J'onn to take the fall because she knew that she didn't have to kill her and she didn't want me to hate her, right?" She practically begged.

 

Alex couldn't answer her through her tears, so she just shook her head no.

 

Kara sobbed again. "Lucy then? It was Lucy, right? She knew I already didn't like her that much so she thought that I might attack her for killing one of the people most important to me and begged J'onn to take the fall, right? It was Lucy, right Lex?"

 

Alex started to hyperventilate through her tears as she shook her head one more time.

 

Kara collapsed to the floor. "No." She sobbed in a broken voice as tears flooded her face.

 

 "K-Kara, I'm so fucking sorry... please. I-" Alex began but was cut off by Kara.

 

"NO!" She screamed as she pounded on the floor, instantly breaking it and busting a whole all the way through the floor and Basement ceiling. "IT WASN'T YOU! YOU DIDN'T KILL MY AUNT, ALEX IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE!" 

 

Alex felt like her world was falling apart. Her knees finally gave out, and she slammed onto the ground knees first. It hurt like hell against the wooden floor, but it didn't even come close to the inner misery inside her chest. "Kara, baby... It was me. You know it was now, please... please forgive me." She sobbed out.

 

The blonde sister stood up at superhuman speeds and shook her head. "I was pissed because you scheduled Supergirl for a meet-and-greet all the way in Iceland for an entire week behind my back, so not only did I have to force some kind of excuse for Miss Grant, but I had to pack extra clothes for Kara  _and_ Supergirl. On top of all that, I am going to have to stay in a country where I barely speak their language for an entire week. But then.." She broke off into sobs for a moment before clearing her throat and speaking again, although the tears never stopped falling. "But then I come home and pack, and my girlfriend comes in and tells me that she murdered my Aunt and lied to me about it for  _six_ fucking months! How the hell am I supposed to just wipe that under the rug and pretend like it never happened?! I  _can't_... I can't do this."

 

Alex began to panic. "Y-you can't talk about this right now?"

 

Kara shook her head. "I can't be with someone who could do this to me... out of everyone in the world I thought that I at least had you because you've never let me down, you'd never betray me, but then I realized... you've kept secrets from me before. Like the fact that you worked with a secret government agency that hunts  _my_ species and others like me...that you were gay... you know... SERIOUS things like that? But this is too much... YOU KILLED MY AUNT!  _Then,_ YOU FUCKING LIED ABOUT IT." Kara said with a tear-filled voice.

 

Alex crawled on her knees to her sister, rested her head against the younger woman's abdomen and wrapped her arms around her waist. "No! Kara, please...WE can work past this! There's nothing that can get me to stop loving you, Kara, please. I can't even begin to imagine a life without you. Please, just give me one last chance." She begged through her tears.

 

Kara allowed Alex to stay wrapped around her but shook her head. "No! No. I can't. You're an entirely different person to me now. I used to think of you as the ONE person that would never hurt me, _Ever_. The one person I could always count on." She paused a moment and whimpered before continuing. "God! Now I can't stop picturing you stabbing my aunt... I can't... It doesn't matter what you say. I just... I can't see the Alex I loved... It doesn't matter what you do, Alex... It's just changed....  _Everything."_

 

Alex cried out, before standing up and looking at her sister. "Please, Kara... Please... This can't be it... I mean, it just can't be."

 

Kara swallowed breathily as she wiped her eyes and picked up her bags. Once they were in her hands, she stood up and frowned. "Then how come it is?" She whimpered before flying out of the window.

 

Alex collapsed to the floor and started to cry convulsively. She'd just lost everything.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the angst is painful, but it's a good painful, right? Please let me know how you feel in the comments! <3


	13. Chapter 13

It had been four months. 17.381 weeks. 121.667 days. 2,922 hours. 175,200 minutes. 10,519,200 seconds, since Kara had broken up with Alex, and the older sister could not be more devastated.

 

Thanksgiving was a nightmare, Eliza could tell that something was off between the two of them and demanded that Alex fix whatever it was that she had done once Kara had left on a Supergirl mission. 

 

Kara had moved out, and in with a friend (She wasn't sure which friend, so Alex was very jealous on top of utterly heartbroken.) The two sisters only saw each other every few days when they both happened to be at the DEO, and they hardly spoke, although Alex always tried.

 

Kara wasn't cruel, but she was nothing passed professional. She was that way with almost the entire DEO now, especially Alex, Hank, and Vasquez... the three that knew the truth about Astra's death. It hurt more than she had ever imagined. It felt like she had swallowed a razor blade and it got stuck in her lungs so every time she breathed she could feel it cut into her.

 

There was nothing more Alex could do but cry herself to sleep every night but today... today had been the worst.

 

She had been walking through the DEO on her way to the locker room at the end of a long shift and heard a few agents talking in a group about Supergirl. Alex instinctually zoned in on the conversation and heard them mention Supergirl's new 'someone special.' It had been enough to warrant a glass of whiskey... or two... or three.

 

So there she was, sitting on the kitchen floor, her back against the counter, with a half empty bottle of Wild Turkey. She had cried all the tears that she could possibly have cried, and she couldn't take it anymore. The pain in her chest was too much and too constant. She knew that she couldn't handle the pain of living without Kara anymore, and even if Kara eventually forgave her enough to let her back into her life, would there really be any reason to continue? The pain was still there, and she would have to go back to being the happy-go-lucky, overly protective big sister that she'd been forced to be for over 12 years before finally being able to be what she wanted to be for just over a month, and then screwing it all up... She'd have to pretend like being around her wasn't bittersweet. She'd have to act like Kara being with someone else didn't burn like acid. She'd have to suffer silently and alone like she had to for the first 12 years of their relationship, and she wasn't quite sure she could handle it. So she stood up, and walked to the attic, and onto the landing on the roof. 

 

She wasn't sure if it was the insane amount of alcohol she had consumed or if it was genuinely her heartache, but she decided it was time. It was time to once and for all end her pain. End her suffering. End the pining, the longing, the craving, the need, the lust, everything. It was time to stop it all, so she climbed the railing on the landing of the third story of her house that she and Kara were supposed to be sharing, and stared down at the ground. She noticed a few of her neighbors were crowded around the bottom staring at her, she heard the news helicopter above her now, but it was okay. They wouldn't broadcast this live, just in case she did jump, and kids were watching. She took a deep breath and was about to jump when she heard the voice she'd longed to hear for months telling her to stop. Kara. It wasn't the Kara she'd been talking to for the past four months; it was her sister. The one who actually cared about her. But maybe it was wishful thinking. She was Supergirl, after all. It was probably just her duty. But then she heard it again.

 

"Alex, please!"

 

It sounded genuinely sincere, so she turned around, still standing on the railing."Kara?" She asked earnestly.

 

Supergirl nodded with tears in her eyes. "Step down, Alex. _Please_ step down. You don't want to do this, you've got so much going for you!"

 

Alex scoffed. "I have nothing going for me." She slurred. "I have a car that was issued to me by my job. I come home to an empty $200,000 house that I'm supposed to be sharing with you, but I fucked it up. I don't have you anymore; I don't have the one person that means more to me than anyone else in existence. I have no friends, and I barely have money. So please, Kara... Tell me, what do I have going for me?"

 

Kara looked terrified, but there was something else on her face that Alex couldn't quite make out... most likely because of her inebriated state. "Alex, if you jump I will catch you and fly you to a mental ward and have you committed for seventy-two hours. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself, so just come down.  _Please._ "

 

Alex could tell, even in her drunkenness, that Kara was being serious so with a huff, and one last look down, she stepped off of the barrier and back onto the landing.

 

Kara sighed in relief. "Alex. Are you okay? What on earth were you thinking?!"

 

Alex looked into Kara's eyes and felt that sharp pain in her own chest once more... This is why she wanted to jump. She could see Kara, talk to Kara, and love Kara from afar, but she could never have Kara again. That's why she wanted to jump. Because even though she could try to date other people, she'd never be happy. She'd always be in love with Kara, and she didn't give a fuck if it was healthy or not. It was love. Puree, irrevocable, undeniable, unconditional, eternal love. Love that couldn't go away or lessen no matter how much time she gave it. "Nothing. I wasn't thinking; I don't know... I'm sorry, Kara. You can leave."

 

Kara looked hurt. "No, I'm not going to leave, and you aren't about to keep this from me. You seem to be depressed. What is going on?"

 

Alex sighed, and because she was drunk off her feet, she could manage the courage to actually tell Kara the truth. "I need you... I fucking need you, okay? I'm scared. Scared of me without you. I'm an idiot... a fucking imbecile for letting you go. For hurting you the way I did. For lying to you. I'm always pretending that I'm okay when I'm not with you, but the truth is I'm only okay when I'm with you. I'm terrified of how much I need you, Kara. I know that me trying to jump off this just to end the pain is stupid. It was dumb and selfish, but I honestly am not trying to guilt you into coming back to me. I know you don't want that, I know that you don't deserve a wreck like me, to top it off, I'm your  _sister_. 

 

It's just that... I thought always having to be your sister was hard, that pretending to not be in love with you was the worst pain I could ever have to bear, but I was wrong. Losing you is.

 

Losing you isn't just painful, it is fucking damaging. It's me sitting on the couch with a pint of half-melted ice cream and a bottle of beer trying to tame down the pain and forget my love. It is me staying up all night, drinking myself into a stupor and trying to forget my own name. Trying to forget the way your lips felt against my own, and the way your body fit perfectly against mine when we shared a bed at night. I try to forget everything because my thoughts of you are so powerful that I can't close my eyes without seeing you. It's me swallowing back my tears when I'm in public and see couples holding hands because it reminds me of what I had, and highlights the hole in my chest, which then causes my breathing to become ragged.

 

It's me coming into work every day, hoping and praying to anyone that's out there that you are there and that you are going to walk into the Deo, and instead of looking at me like Agent Danvers, you'd look at me like you loved me again.

 

It's me laughing at random things for no reason because my stomach started knotting up as the urge of falling apart grows stronger. It's me crying at random times during the day because little things remind me of you. It's me not wanting to get out of bed because I know that I'm going to have to live another day without you in my life.

 

It fucking hurt, Kara. It still hurts. Every second, of every day it hurts, and I will never be able to get past it. Because you're it for me, Kar'. I've never loved anyone besides you, and I never will. You aren't my world, Kara, you're my fucking universe, and the little part of the universe that  _is_ my world is in your hands. You have it Kara, and you're most of that too.

 

So yeah, that's what I was thinking about when I decided it was time to give death a try. Because I'm not quite sure why they call it heartbreak when it feels like every other part of my body, broke right along with it."

 

Kara stood there speechless, tears were running down her face, and Alex immediately regretted her words. "K-" She was quickly cut off by her little sister hugging her tightly. 

 

"Alex, you hurt the hell out of me, but I swear, if I had known you were suffering this badly, we would've talked sooner."

 

Alex's heart, for the first time in months, fluttered. Hope began creeping through her and evicting the pain and misery of the past four months. She released a shaky breath and said the first thing that came to mind. "I dreamed about you last night." She admitted.

 

Kara tightened her hold on her sister. "Did you?"

 

Alex nodded into her shoulder. "We were kissing and laughing. You even put your hand on my hip like I like, and you made me feel like I was the only one you would ever touch like that."

 

Alex felt Kara's hand slide down her body and stop at her hip, leaving goose bumps down her entire body. Kara pulled back slightly from the hug and leaned in causing Alex's breath to hitch. "Like this?" The younger sister asked before connecting their lips.

 

When Alex felt Kara's lips touch hers, she felt the earth below her melt away and time stopped. All she could feel was Kara. She felt a cosmic rush when her lips separated. She felt electric when Kara's tongue met with hers. She felt a stir of emotions run through her as she finally got to kiss the love of her life after months of believing that she'd never be able to do so again. Finally, she felt arousal pool between her legs when she heard Kara moan into the kiss.

 

She was immediately sobered when their tongues began dancing, because, for some reason, Kryptonian saliva was like carcon for alcohol to humans, and she worried for a moment if that would be the end of it. If that was the only reason Kara kissed her, but her concerns were assuaged when Kara continued kissing her way after the effects of the saliva would take hold.

 

When they finally pulled apart, Kara looked at Alex wide-eyed. "Tell me I'm not in my super suit." She pleaded.

 

Alex looked down and saw that Kara, was in fact in her super suit.

 

_Shit._

 

"Won't Cat just demand the videos be destroyed?" She asked.

 

Kara looked up at the helicopter that was now hovering above them and frowned. "It's not a CatCo chopper... It's a KJPT one. CatCo knows better than to snoop where Cat Grant deems inappropriate, so once I saved you, they'd be gone."

 

Alex nodded. "What do we do?" She asked.

 

"Well, Supergirl disappears for a while until the story is either 'proved' false by CatCo, or the story dies down, and Alex and Kara Danvers go on a very discreet vacation," Kara said with a smile.

 

"Together?"  Alex asked hopefully.

 

Kara chuckled. "Yes, Alex. Together. I need to make sure that you aren't attacked for one, especially since you are going to be linked directly to Supergirl, which will put a huge target on your back. And for two, you and I need to talk about everything that's gone on. We can't just ignore our problems.

 

Alex's heart rate sped up, a vacation with Kara? Just the two of them alone for days on end? That sounded like Heaven to the infinite power. So she smiled with a nod and said: "Let's start packing!"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter is better, I wrote Chapter 12, and this chapter all in one sitting, and I'm now exhausted. 
> 
> Like it? Love it? Hate it? Please let me know in the comments!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This is the plot that was most popular with my readers, but since there was a close second, I tried to mend them together in a more realistic way than I could have written either by themselves, so please do me a HUGE favor, and read all the way through without jumping to conclusions. I love you all and I try to write what makes me happy, and also what will make you happy at the same time. My stories are my babies and I take great pride in them, so I really do hope that you'll enjoy. ******

Kara left to pack shortly after she was sure the paparazzi and the neighbors had gone. Alex was appreciative that Kara was being protective over her again, it struck something in her heart, but it also increased the longing to have Kara back. Alex sighed and wiped away her silent flowing tears as she climbed into bed. Kara was going to pick her up at 4 AM tomorrow morning and bring her to CatCo so Kara could talk to Cat Grant about what to do about the situation and how soon she would be able to solve it, before taking Alex to a secret location for a week or two. Alex wasn't happy about the time, only excessive workaholics like Cat Grant herself would be at work at such an untimely hour

 

Alex would be lying if she said that she wasn't excited about the trip, but the brunette would also be lying if she said she wasn't absolutely petrified as well. She knew that the kiss was a fluke of pure passion and adrenaline on Kara's part, after all... the DEO Agents had said that Kara was with someone new now.. right? Alex's heart shattered, and she shook it away. Kara wouldn't go off with her for an entire week without her significant other, so why the hell should Alex believe those silly little rumors? She shouldn't, she decided. Kara was single, and that was all there was to it.

 

She laid her head on the pillow and fell asleep to the memory of Kara's lips against her own on the attic landing.

_**~~ XXX ~~ ** _

She woke up naturally six hours later as she turned on her side and glanced at her alarm clock. When she read the time, she immediately jumped out of bed. She'd overslept. It was 6 AM ... how the hell had she not noticed the time!?! How the hell had Kara not woken her up? She knew that Kara was planning on sleeping over one more night at her current home, but Kara was  _never_ late. She hurried out of bed and opened the door when she noticed that the bathroom light was on and that the shower was running. Alex smiled, Kara must've stayed the night with her after all.

 

She walked to the bathroom door and opened it slowly, she saw blonde hair through the privacy glass and smiled, Kara might be hers again after all. She smiled even wider at the thought as she sat on the toilet and waited for the blonde to get out of the shower. When the water stopped, Alex's heart began beating wildly. She heard the water stop, and soon she saw the towel that was hanging at the top of the glass door, be pulled into the shower and readied herself to kiss Kara as soon as she came out of the shower, and beg the younger woman to give her another chance.

 

The door opened, and slender newly-shaved legs exited the tub, but to her surprise, it wasn't the woman she had expected. Instead, it was the one and only, Catherine Grant. "What the hell?! Get out! Have you never heard of privacy?!"

 

Alex was stunned and needless to say, thoroughly confused. "I- wha- Y-"

 

The woman rolled her eyes. "Cat got your tongue, dear?" She asked with a smirk.

 

Alex quickly regained her composure as she remembered her hatred for this woman far outweighed her confusion. "You're in  _my_ house, so I really don't think I should have to knock before entering."

 

Cat rolled her eyes. "Well, it isn't just your house. Especially not when I'm going to be spending much more time here after you and Kara get back from your little rendezvous."

 

Alex's heart dropped. Was  _Cat Grant_ Kara's new 'Special Someone'?! Oh shit. How the hell was she supposed to compete with that!? Alex's heart began breaking. Cat and Kara would be a huge cliché, but they'd be a great couple.. whether Alex liked it or not. She saw the way looked at Kara when she thought no one was looking, so she knew Cat's feelings were strong, probably not as strong as Alex's, but they were close rivals. She sucked in a deep breath as the smirking woman walked into Kara's bedroom, but then realized that Cat didn't fucking deserve Kara. That bitch treated her like absolute shit! SHe made Kara cry, and feel worthless, and go into depressed states, and doubt herself, and HELL FUCKING NO! Kara was _NOT_ settling for someone who used to treat her like this, no matter how surprisingly attractive her legs were. "No! You don't deserve her, Catherine! No one that can treat her like shit, and make her cry deserves to even be in her life! Especially not someone as cold-hearted, arrogant, and manipulative like you!"

 

Cat's face saddened immediately, but there was a sudden change, and she smiled. Alex furrowed her brows and then followed her eyes to the window behind her to find a scowling and apparently irate Supergirl. "I invite my girlfriend over for the night before I leave her to go and save you for a week or two, and I come back to hear you say shit like this!?!"

 

Alex gulped. "Kara I-"

 

Kara super sped over to her and pinned her to the wall roughly, creating a large crack in the wall with Alex's body. "NO!" She growled. "I will not listen to this again! If anyone doesn't deserve me, it's YOU! You made me hide my true self for years because you were jealous of me!YOU  forced me to feel like I had to be in love with you, so I had to hide my feelings for Cat, but I'm done doing that now, Alex. I'm in love with her!"

 

Alex's heart shattered, her legs lost strength and went limp, her sister's hands pinning her arms to the wall above her head the only thing keeping her up. Kara had never been in love with her; she resented Alex for her actions. She had felt obligated to give her a chance romantically. Her worst nightmares were all coming true at once. She whimpered as tears began to flow. Her heart felt as if all of her blood had suddenly turned into molasses and it had to work triple time to be able to pump it through her body. Nausea became apparent, but she fought it down. Kara hated her. She had every right to hate her, and she would accept her punishment like a big girl, no matter how much it killed her because that was the absolute least she could do in return for everything that she had done to Kara. She stayed silent as Kara kept speaking.

 

"How the hell do you get off on telling my girlfriend that she doesn't deserve me when every time I've ever needed her she's been there for me and she hasn't backstabbed me once? She's never bullshitted me, she's always been upfront and told me the hard things that you were too afraid to say. She's my star, Alex... I was wrong when I said that it was you. Cat is my star." That cut deep, and she let out a deep, guttural sob as Kara released her and she fell to the floor.Kara looked at her pitifully and shook her head, "You're such a disgrace, Alex. I never should have accepted you as my sister, let alone a _lover_." She said, making Alex wish for death. The pain was unbearable that it took her breath away. She felt like she was drowning in a river filled with acidic tears but what hurt worse, was watching Kara walk over to Cat, scoop her up in her arms, put her strong Kryptonian hands on  _Cat's_ hips, and kiss the Media Matriarch with a passion she'd never seen. That was it, that was the last straw, she couldn't take it anymore.

 

"NO! KARA NO!!!!! I'M SORRY!!! PLEASE! PLEASE STOP PLEASE! TAKE ME BACK I'M SORRY" She screamed as she cried long, hard, Earth shattering sobs.

 

She heard her name being called out in an echo, she thought maybe it was her falling into unconsciousness from such extreme heartbreak, but she started to recognize the voice. It was Kara's, but how could that be when Kara's lips were attacking Cat's?  She let out a whimper. "KARA PLEASE I'LL BE BETTER! I'M SORRY!" 

  _ ** ~~XXX~~**_

 

She felt a sudden sting on her cheek and jerked up. She realized that she was in bed, and her sister was there with her. No Cat in sight.  _It was just a dream. A terrible, heart-shattering dream._  "Kara?" She asked, causing her to realize that she was crying, and her voice was scratchy. She must've been screaming out in her sleep, which probably caused Kara to zoom all the way there to make sure she wasn't being attacked.

 

Kara looked concerned, but hesitant to touch her. "Are you okay? What was all that about? You never have nightmares. Do you need anything?"

 

Alex took a deep breath and tried to fight back the rest of her tears. She smiled gratefully at her younger sister, but refused to admit to what the dream was about; she'd just paraphrase it. "You told me that you didn't want to be my sister anymore and that you hated me for everything I've done. Then you left, and I was heartbroken and begging you to come back. I'm okay; I don't know what came over me." She lied. She wasn't sure why she dreamed it was Cat, but it was most likely because if anyone would be able to win over Kara, it'd be the CEO. Whether she liked it or not.

 

Kara looked torn, like she felt obligated to cuddle Alex, but wasn't ready to do so which bothered Alex tremendously. She didn't deserve Kara's forgiveness, nor her compassion or sisterhood, and she sure as hell shouldn't be hurting her because of a damn nightmare, so she decided to ease the burden on her baby sister. "Kara, I'm fine. You can go back home for the night." She lied.

 

Kara furrowed her brows. "Alex, It's 3:45. We only have fifteen minutes to get around anyway. We've got to leave early so that I can fly us to CatCo, and then to our secret vacation spot without being detected. Dress in all black." She said before chuckling and standing up from the bed. "Well, I guess that's nothing to ask of you since that's the only color you wear anyway." She said with a half smile.

 

Alex's heart lightened a bit at the joke and nodded her head. "Give me five minutes, and I'll be ready."

 

Kara smiled and exited the room to give her privacy. Alex was getting ready to take her shirt off when the door opened again. "Oh, and Alex?"

 

The older sister instantly looked towards the blonde. "Yeah, Kar'?"

 

"I'm still pissed... and hurt, but I don't think I can hate you." She said before closing the door once more.

 

Alex's heart soared. Kara didn't hate her, that's definitely a good sign. Maybe, just maybe, she could win her sister's heart back. She then scoffed to herself, "Why can't I just be grateful that she isn't disowning me?" She asks herself under her breath as she put her clean DEO issued black long-sleeve shirt on. She hurried up and put on a pair of black underwear, black socks, black slacks, and black combat boots. She grabbed her black trash bag full of her clothes. (Different types for al the possible weather types, and walked out of her bedroom and into the hallway. "Kara?" She called hesitantly.

 

Kara came around with her own trash bag with a tight smile on her flawless face. "You ready?" She asked.

 

Alex nodded, before grabbing Kara's bag of clothes in her hand as well and being hoisted up bridal style in the Kryptonian's arms. "Up up, and away, Supergirl." She said dramatically, earning a laugh from her sister before being carried out of the window and then up into the dark night sky.

 

**XXX**

 

 When they reached the balcony on which Cat was sitting, Alex became immediately aware of the older woman's presence and was instantly uncomfortable. She had dreamed of this woman in a towel, kissing the love of Alex's life right in front of her, and the way Cat was looking at Kara made the agent think that the older woman would have no objection to doing just that... and then some. She looked at Kara and saw adoration on her face directed towards the older woman, and the green eyed monster of jealousy crept through Alex stronger than ever before. She clung to Kara, silently begging for the younger Danvers not to put her down, but the Superhero did just that, and Alex internally groaned in despair.

 

"Agent Scully." Cat greeted her.

 

"It's Danvers!" She snarled.

 

Cat was undeterred by the woman's tantrum and completely refocused her attention to Kara with a soft smile with desire in her eyes. "Kara, this is very serious." The older woman said. "It's  been caught on camera; we either have to pay some high dollars for the footage (Which I'm not even sure they're willing to hand over), Or we've got to fake this. What on Earth were you thinking?!" She yelled an octave higher, which was a clear sign of jealousy. Alex's heart fell when she saw Kara's ashamed and guilty look.

 

"I'm sorry, Cat... I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean for it to happen. I-" Kara stopped mid sentence and tilted her head towards the right, a clear sign that she was listening in to something. "I'm so sorry there's a drunk driver who just ran his car into a bar on Eighth Street. Can you guys get along without killing each other? I'll be back as soon as I can be, and then we'll talk and leave before the sun rises so that we won't be seen."

 

Alex wanted to scream; she didn't want to be left alone with Kara's new girlfriend. How the hell was she supposed to survive that? Especially after Kara just apologized to Cat for cheating on her on national television with her own  _sister_. She sighed and bowed her head after Kara took off. Maybe if she ignored Cat's existence, none of this would be as bad.

 

The older woman sat on the expensive patio couch and chuckled. "My, my, you really are in deep, aren't you?"

 

Alex lifted her head and glared at the older woman. "Would you please, just shut the hell up? You win, okay? You fucking win."

 

Cat let out a humorless grunt before taking from a glass. "Hardly."

 

"You have her, don't you? Isn't that why she apologized and looked ashamed? Because she feels like she betrayed you? That's why she isn't referring to you as 'Miss Grant' now. She's calling you Cat because you won her, and I lost her, and i'm never going to have her back as before. Our sisterly relationship will always be strained now, and you get to have her in ways I crave so badly."

 

Cat shook her head and smiled sadly. "Alex... We went on _one_ date.  One. After I caught her crying over you in the bathroom. She loves you... I am not able to say for sure in what way, but I do know that whatever you did to her hurt her terribly. I had noticed that for the previous three months she'd been solemn. Quiet, and it killed me, because.. yes. I'm in love with her. I have been for a while now, and the only one who seemed not to have known it was our preciously adorable Kara. However, I knew that she was vulnerable, I knew that she was sad, and I knew that she needed any type of love that she could get, and I used poor judgment."

 

Alex's heart clenched, and her stomach became queasy at what Cat had inferred... Had she... made love to Kara? Before she herself had gotten the chance? "Y-you had sex?" She asked in a quivering voice.

 

Cat rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, and it was the greatest orgasm of my life." Alex missed the sarcastic tone and began to cry hysterically. Cat sighed, took another sip of her water and spoke again. "Alex, are you really that dull? Of course I didn't have sex with her! She was crying in the bathroom, I couldn't handle it, and I kissed her, professed my love to her. I asked her for a date, where I'm sure she only agreed because she is too kind to turn someone down. We then went on one date where she ran into a few of her 'co-workers', and then talked to them for fifteen minutes. Soon after that, she started crying in the middle of the meal because she didn't have her sister anymore. She claimed that it was because she now only has Clark... She came in the next day, apologized and told me that she cares about me a lot, but we couldn't be together. So no, Alex. I didn't win. I can't win. Because she and I have never had a chance, and I'm going to have to learn to somehow live with that. You, on the other hand, did get a chance, and you screwed it up. I'm not sure if you have another shot, but if you do, you damn well better earn it, and never screw it up again, or  _I'll_ kick your ass; because there's no one in the world like Kara Danvers."

 

Alex's heart ached at the thought of Kara kissing Cat, but at least they hadn't had... sex. She sighed and tried to wipe her tears when she saw Kara coming towards them. "Thank you" She mouthed to the CEO, and Cat nodded with a sad smile as she stood up.

 

"I don't deserve her anyway. I'm twice her age, have two sons, am married to my work, and am a tough person to love. She's always seen me as a mentor and friend, and I've always known that and should've accepted it. I've hurt her a lot; it seems as though we both have, but if anyone could win her back, it's you. That  I am sure of."

 

Alex smiled appreciatively towards Cat as Kara touched down. The younger sister had a look of shock on her face as she looked at the two women that hated each other with a passion smile at each other. "DId I fly too fast and skip dimensions? Because this isn't normal." She said cautiously, causing her two admirers to laugh.

 

Cat was the first to return to her no-nonsense CEO self, but with used a softer expression to Kara than she would use for the rest of her employees. "No, Keira. Agent Scully and I have just agreed to something of sorts."

 

The two CatCo workers continued to talk strategies on how to get the footage of the kiss to be debunked or delegitimized, while Alex sat and stared at the remarkable person that was Kara Zor-El. It always took her breath away when she really focused on the beauty of her younger sister. Her

 

It always took her breath away when she really focused on the beauty of her younger sister. Her skin glowed in the moonlight. Her perfect curly golden locks were lying carelessly against her strong shoulders. Her perfect physique emphasized by the skin-tight Supergirl suit. Her dark ocean blue eyes shining bright and showing every emotion she felt as she talked animatedly with her strong, yet dainty and elegant hands. Her nimble fingers were rapping against the coffee table as she thought. Her perfectly pink lips that resembled rose buds curling up into a gorgeous smile as she nodded and began to speak. Soon though, her gorgeous face turned back towards Alex and spoke. "We've figured it out!" She chimed.

 

Alex smiled widely and gave her a thumbs up as she thought to herself:  _I'm never going to stop fighting for this perfect woman._

 

Soon, Alex was in Kara's grasp once more, this time, however, they were in an embrace very similar to a bear hug. Kara insisted that it was necessary so that they could fly low above the ocean so that radars wouldn't be able to pick them up. So, Alex hugged KAra tightly, as Kara flew about a foot above the water with Alex's back towards the Ocean and their trash bags of clothes resting on the Kryptonian's back with Alex's hands holding them in place.

 

She was generally terrified of oceans and deep water in general, but when she was in Kara's arms, the only thing she felt was peace. No matter where they were. She knew that the reasoning behind this vacation wasn't ideal, but she also knew that this was an opportunity for them to fix things between them. She would settle for getting things back to the way they were before the relationship started for a while, but she wouldn't stop fighting to win her heart back. It would all just take time, effort, and hope.

&nb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cat got the most votes, but 'No One' Got literally three less, so I mixed them together because the whole date was a mess, and all one sided... I hope this was enjoyable for you all...  ** _PLEASE_** let me know in the comments!


	15. Chapter 15

As Alex and Kara continued to fly low above the ocean, she smiled. She hadn't been this close to Kara for this long in months, and she was intoxicated by everything that was Kara Zor-El Danvers. She enjoyed the feeling of Kara's strong arms holding her close. She enjoyed the sound of Kara's heart beating slowly in her chest. She enjoyed the smell of Kara's coconut shampoo. She smiled and held her sister tighter, earning a tight squeeze from the younger woman that only added to the multitude of butterflies that resided in her stomach. "I love you, Kara." She whispered to the majestic woman above her. "Please don't take you away from me."

 

Kara tightened her grip on the girl and whispered back. "I have to focus right now, Alex. We have about four more minutes until we're there, but as soon as we are settled, we'll talk. Okay?"

 

Alex fought back a sigh. She could sense the tension in Kara. She'd been able to sense it from their first conversation in four months. Kara was trying her hardest to make things normal between them again, but the older sister could tell that it was an arduous task for the Kryptonian to mange. She didn't want to make this any harder on Kara than it was, so instead of continuing her attempt at a conversation, she nodded in resignation.

 

Kara squeezed her once more and kept flying. 

 

Once they landed, Alex was confused she was expecting some kind of safe house in the middle of a crowded town. Instead, they were on a deserted and barren beach. "Kara? Where are we?" She asked hesitantly.

 

Kara chuckled. "Tetepare"

 

Alex's brows furrowed. "Titty-what now?"

 

"No! Tetepare" Kara chuckled. "Here, say it with me. Tee-tay"

 

Alex huffed playfully. "Tee-tay"

 

"Par-ay" 

 

"Paray" Alex echoed.

 

Kara beamed proudly. "Good! Now say it all together. Tetepare"

 

Alex huffed stubbornly once more but repeated the word without objection. "Tetepare."

 

"Good job!" Kara exclaimed proudly.

 

Alex smiled widely. "Titypartay would've been way cooler." She joked.

 

Kara chuckled and shook her head. "You're ridiculous." She said.

 

Alex smiled fondly at her sister. She could still tell there was tension in her sister, but she wanted to make this as easy as possible for Kara, so she ignored it. "No, I'm hilarious. But seriously where is Tittypartay at on the map? I've literally never heard of it."

 

Kara rolled her eyes. The tension was returning to her shoulders full force, causing Alex's heart to fill with dread. "Tetepare is part of the Solomon Islands. It's uninhabited for the most part, and except for the occasional TDA (Tetepare Descendants Association) member leading a few tourists around there are no humans here."

 

Alex frowned. "So how are we going to survive for an entire week here? No humans means no electricity, water, or food."

 

 Kara shook her head. "No. 'No humans' means no risk of being found. I had a place built here a few months after I became Supergirl just in case I needed to hide out for a while. It's nothing special, but Kal-El and I built it together with some of the Justice League members."

 

Alex's heart started beating fast, pumping her growing jealousy through her veins. The Justice League included Diana Prince, someone Alex was very distrusting of. Diana had the hots for Kara way back when, and Alex had hated her ever since; especially when Kara seemed to be flirting back (even though Alex believed Kara to be straight back then). "Diana knows we're here then, huh?"

 

Kara rolled her eyes with a smile. (She was trying to be playful, but Alex could see the uneasiness) "No, the only person that knows this place still exists besides me is Kal-EL. Diana, Bruce, Victor, Orin, and Hal all think that this location was destroyed during the Cadmus crusade."

 

Alex was confused. Weren't they the Kryptonians' allies? "Why?" She asked curiously.

 

"Because we thought that one of them might be working with them, we weren't sure who to trust, so we said that it was destroyed and that there was no way to rebuild it on there again."

 

Alex nodded in understanding before she felt extraordinarily offended that she hadn't been told about this safe haven "Why didn't you say anything? Did you not think that I could be trusted?"

 

Kara frowned. "Of course I thought that you could be trusted. I just didn't want you to know where I was going if I had to make an exit randomly and then for them to come after you to get to me. If you knew nothing, they could instantly tell, and no one would have been the wiser about where I was. It would've been dangerous for everyone if you had known."

 

Alex nodded and sighed. "Okay, so where is this place at, Kar'?"

 

"We're just north of New Zealand by about 2500 miles. Don't worry, Lexie. We're not going to get caught." Kara said as she placed her hand comfortingly on the small of Alex's back. 

 

The touch sent shockwaves of longing and arousal through the older sister, and she shivered at the touch. Kara noticed and immediately yanked her hand away. "Sorry." The blonde said before she started walking up the terrain.

 

Alex wanted to tell Kara that she had nothing to be sorry for, but she couldn't utter a word. Embarrassment for being so juvenile consumed her and took away her ability to do anything other than follow Kara like an obedient sheep dog. 

 

They walked through the forest for a while and soon came out to the other side and another beach. The shore was filled with sand that glittered under the sun. A place for a serene and tranquil ocean to lick against. The waves came crashing calmly and poetically to the shore in a relaxing and gentle pattern that almost calmed Alex, but she was still nervous and a bit scared for the conversation that she and Kara were going to be having.

 

They continued to walk up the coastline. It became jagged with fingers of barnacled rock sticking out of the water with no apparent pattern. There were inlets where the water laid more still, a silvery white sheen reflecting back her reflection when she looked at the water to see the turtles and fish.

 

The beach curved as if artists had drawn it, the golden sands made it a thick band between the waves and the shells beyond. When she looked forward she could see Kara's dainty figure walking along the ocean she finally felt hope rejuvenate inside of her. The beautiful woman that she had grown up beside looked to be there again, she seemed at peace, and that's all Alex could have asked for.

 

The first orange hued rays of sunlight kissed the white gold sand. Brilliant gold and orange shades blended together like a fire in the morning sky.  The soft yellow and red glow of the sun reflected off of the calm ocean and accentuated the gorgeous face of the Kryptonian hero that owned her heart. She smiled, but then noticed the slight down turn of the corner of her lips and a tiny bit of worry crept back into the brunette's mind.

 

Soon they reached a well-sized cottage that was perched on a sand dune. There was a windmill next to it, and right beside the windmill were three small solar panels. The building looked as if it was straight out of a happily ended fairy tale. The whole cottage was made out of what seemed to be the gray stone the island was filled with (No doubt was carved into shape by super strength and heat vision). It had a chimney, and the dune the cottage resided on sat only forty yards away from a pier that went about a hundred feet into the ocean.

 

When she crossed the threshold, she was admittedly surprised to see that there was technology, and modern design all the way. The floors were polished concrete, and the furniture was high-end designers only. There was a fifty-inch flat screen TV and lots of movies and books. She continued to walk through the cottage and into what was apparently the Kitchen and dining room. There was a four burner glass top stove with an oven. A tiny square dining room table, and two Lexington dining chairs that were more than likely worth more than a week's paycheck. The counter tops were a marbled granite, and every appliance was stainless steel.

 

She followed Kara down the hall and found her in a bedroom where there were two not-so-small beds. She continued to tour the house only to become more and more amazed The only mess was Kara's sandy footprints she had left as she walked through the house. 

 

She realized that there were two more bedrooms not less elegant than the one Kara had led her to, and claimed the one at the end of the hallway for herself. When she unpacked her glad bag full of clothes, she walked back to the room Kara had claimed and knocked on the door even though it was already ajar. Kara looked up to her and smiled. 

 

"Hey," The blonde answered.

 

Alex took that as an invitation to enter and did so. "Damn Kara, this place is paradise. How the hell has no one noticed that it was here?"

 

Kara chuckled. "Well, like I said. It's completely uninhabited. Especially this side."

 

Alex nodded. "Okay, but how did you get the money to build it do nice, and elegant? Like, seriously Kar'... This place is more beautiful than our house!"

 

Kara rolled her eyes. "I resent that! Our house is amazing!!"

 

Alex had to admit Kara was right, their house was beautiful, but damn.. this was an oceanfront paradise. "Okay, Okay, but seriously... How did you guys get the money to buy all high-end stuff?? It's insane!"

 

Kara chuckled. "Well, Superman and Supergirl both have connections, and Lois and Clark have money... I pitched in too, but Lois is high-class, and insisted that if she were to have to stay here, it could be nothing but top of the line."

 

Alex chuckled and shook her head. "She and Cat Grant are probably more alike than they want to admit."

 

Kara smiled at her but didn't respond, and that sent a multitude of red flags to Alex. "Kara?"

 

Kara raised her eyes. "Yes?"

 

"Talk to me," Alex said it calmly, but inside she was screaming and begging Kara to let her in again.

 

Kara looked at her and tried to feign confusion, but it didn't fool Alex for a second. "I am talking to you."

 

Alex shook her head. "No, Kara. You aren't talking to me. You are responding to my questions, but besides that, you are not treating me like I'm Alex anymore. So please, Kar'... Just talk to me. You've been quiet most of the day except when you were telling me about the damn island. Even then you were forcing the conversation."

 

Kara frowned."What do you want from me, Alex!? What the hell do you want?!" She asked in a broken voice.

 

Alex frowned as she felt fresh tears stream down her cheeks. "I just want you, Kara." She whispered with a shaky voice.

 

Kara looked at her with anger and hurt on her face. "I don't know if I can give that to you, Alex."

 

 

Alex nodded and bowed her head. "I know, Kar'. Believe me, I know.. but this hurts so bad. I miss you, and I need you back. Please, I can't just go back to being your sister, especially not if it's going to be like this."

 

"You've always been my sister, Alex." Kara insisted.

 

Alex lowered her head and nodded her head to signal that she acquiesced. "What about 'But you're not'? Does that not stand anymore?" She asked sadly.

 

Kara frowned. "I don't know, Alex... I'm trying to get over it, but it's way harder than I ever expected... Can you just settle for sisters right now? I need time."

 

Alex swallowed thickly, the lump in her throat refused to stay down. "Yeah, of course, Kar'. I will accept whatever you can give me." She said in a hoarse voice. And she wasn't lying, she'd accept it, but she'd always want more if it was any less than lovers. She wouldn't pressure her, but she'd never be happy again unless Kara forgave her someday, and gave her one last chance.

 

She couldn't believe that after almost fourteen years of pining, she'd finally gotten a chance with Kara, and messed it up so badly that she may have to live the rest of her life as miserable as she had been for those other thirteen years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! :)


	16. Chapter 16

The rest of the day went decently well. They sat and watched a few movies, and then Kara decided to dig under the ocean all the way to New Zealand so that they could travel there at night to get some food if the need arose, and to buy burner smartphones and a portable router so that they could have access to the internet.

 

That evening Kara had made a New Zealand dish that she was excited to try called Whitebait Fritters, it consisted of dozens of tiny little fish baked inside what was a very bland and flavorless bread, and it was absolutely disgusting. She ate it all. When Kara asked her how it tasted, Alex smiled brightly at her little sister and told her it was delicious. She couldn't break her little sister's heart more than she already had, so she didn't even try to stop the Kryptonian from piling a second helping onto her plate. Alex ate that helping too, and fought the urge to gag. It was the worst dish she'd ever tasted. It wasn't because Kara was a bad cook, she'd already established that Kara was the best cook in existence, it was just that the fish tasted disgusting in general, especially the eye balls, and the textures just didn't mix. All in all, it was horrible, and she hoped that she would never have to eat it again, but if Kara made it for her again, Alex would eat it and pretend it was orgasmic if she had to.

 

It was night time now, 3:04 am to be exact, and Alex couldn't sleep. She was too heartbroken for her mind to relax, she feared that her relationship with Kara would never be renewed and that their sisterhood would suffer tremendously and would possibly never return to its full glory. She laid awake the entire night crying silently -if she cried aloud even just a little she was at risk of waking Kara, and that would be selfish.

 

She eventually cried through her pillow and out of tears. She sat up and stared blankly at the ceiling, accidentally releasing a tearless sob. 

 

Immediately as the sob escaped her, the door to her bedroom door crashed open, and the beauty that was her sister, and the keeper of her heart was sitting opposite her on the bed. "Alex! What is it? Are you in pain!? Did a crab get in and snap you??" She asked in a rush of words.

 

Alex smiled weakly at her sister before shaking her head. "No, no. I'm all right."

 

Kara frowned and shook her head. "No, you're not."

 

"I just can't sleep. Haven't slept in forty-eight hours and I'm exhausted." Alex admitted.

 

Kara's frown deepened at her sister's reply. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

 

 _Kiss me. Love me. Hold me and never let me go!_ Alex screamed internally, but her reply was simple. "Don't worry about it, Kar'. I'm fine."

 

"Stop saying that! You are NOT fine!" Kara insisted. "Is there anything that I can do to help you sleep?"

 

Alex froze. She wanted to say 'Kiss me and take me back, that'll relax me enough.' But she knew that would be too far and too fast. Should she tell her no, even though she was the only one who could put the agent at ease enough to sleep? Should the brunette ask for a hug? That may calm her enough to relax, but not enough to sleep.... She was much too scared to ask Kara to cuddle her, she wasn't entirely sure if that'd be too much or not so she stared silently at Kara, with anxiety oozing through her soul. She hadn't realized how long she had been staring due to her internal debate, but Kara had seemed to because she started crawling up to the head board of the bed, waking Alex from her reverie. "Are you wanting to switch beds? I'm not sure that'd work, it's just been a long week." Alex admitted, not for a moment daring to believe that Kara was offering cuddles.

 

Kara smiled and slowly shook her head as she outstretched her arms. "I want to snuggle."

 

Alex smiled and instantly launched herself into her sister's arms and fell into a deep sleep. 

 

It was the greatest night's sleep she'd ever had.

 

 

  **XXX**

 

The next day, Alex awoke to an empty bed, and her heart sank.  _What did you expect, Alex? She was just being her usual selfless self. It's your fault for reading too much into it._ She chastised herself before she got out of bed and walking to her ensuite. She turned on the shower, and got inside, letting the water wash away the dried tears.

 

She sat on the floor, her knees to her chest and her arms wrapped around them letting the shower water rain down on her as she cried. She felt that the best time to cry when she was around Kara was when she was in the shower because if she walked in on her, she could blame the tears on the shower. So the superhero wouldn't know that she was crying, and wouldn't worry.

 

She usually visualized away her stress and concentrated on the feel of the water on her skin. She envisioned Kara in a wedding dress, walking down the aisle with Alex waiting for her. She envisioned sleeping in the younger woman's arms every night and holding hands with the alien as they strolled the streets and went window shopping.  Unfortunately, reality swept back in, and tears stung her eyes once more as she let the shower wash away her hopes and dreams once more, but this time she willed it to wash away her sadness, regret and anger as well.

 

So as she stepped out of the shower, she wasn't hurting, she wasn't happy, she was just numb, and although it was a miserable feeling, at least it gave her a few minutes of relief. But it was short lived because as soon as she tied her robe and stepped out of the bedroom, she saw Kara in the dining room preparing two plates of food. 

 

Alex's pain, and anger, and guilt came flooding back to her, as she forced her fake smile back on her face. "Whatcha' cookin'?" She asked.

 

Kara smiled when she heard her voice, but as soon as she looked up her face fell. "You're not telling me whats is actually bothering you, so please just tell me."

 

Alex's façade crumbled and she lowered her head. "I'm sorry." She said in a cracked voice which prompted her baby sister to speed over to her and embrace her protectively. 

 

"For what? Why are you sorry? I don't understand, Al... Please just talk to me. I want to help, but I have no idea how to, and it's killing me."

 

 Alex sniffled and pulled away from the embrace to wipe her eyes. "It's nothing, don't worry about it Kar' we\re only going to be here for a couple more days and you'll be free of me again."

 

Kara's face turned from sadness to hurt. "Why on Earth would I want to be 'free' of you again?" She asked.

 

Alex looked at her exasperatedly. "Because you're still  _mad_ at me. You will probably never be able to forgive me, that's why." She croaked out in a tearful voice.

 

Kara shook her head. "No, you don't get to tell me what I feel, Alex. You don't get to do that."

 

Ales cried, "I don't deserve your forgiveness, Kara. You're like a million deep breaths, and I'm barely a sigh. You're everything anyone could ever ask for in a friend, lover, or sister, yet I;, someone that no one would ever even look for. I'm not worthy of you... I wish that I were, but I'm not, and I want to be so badly."

 

Kara frowned harder, tears glistening in her eyes, she was about to speak, but Alex cut her off. "Tell me what I have to do to earn your forgiveness, Kara. Anything. Just name it I'll do it, or give it to you. Punch me. Throw me into the middle of the ocean and make me swim my way back here. Make me eat bugs. Lock me alone in a room for a week. Anything, Kara. Anything you could ask of me I would do instantly if I thought that it might help get you back, at least as my sister."

 

Kara looked her in the eyes, and Alex saw how dark and dilated her pupils are. Alex gulped as she heard Kara's reply. "Anything?"

 

Alex nodded. Her heart was thudding rapidly in her chest with hope at the change in Kara's expression. "Absolutely anything."

 

Kara nodded, her eyes still dark and dilated. "Come here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could Kara possibly be getting ready to ask Alex to do?? Please let me know if you enjoyed!


	17. Chapter 17

Alex slowly walked towards Kara, who was staring at the brunette predatorily. The look her little sister was giving her unnerved her in the most erotic way imaginable. When she finally reached Kara, she stopped and stared at the younger woman with hope filling her body.

Kara slowly raised her hand to Alex's collarbone, rubbing the back of her index finger lightly over the clavicle, causing both of their breaths to become shallow. Alex stared into her sister's deep dark, lust filled eyes and instantly felt arousal pool between her thighs. She had an idea of how Kara was about to have Alex make up for her mistakes, and she was looking forward to it. Submitting to Kara would be a dream come true, even if it wasn't for the right reasons. Even if it would be an actual punishment, not a game. Even if it would only be a one time thing just to get back on a "sisterly" term. It'd be amazing, letting Kara have her way with her. It'd be amazing to get to be with the love of her life in a way no one else ever had, but it'd be emotional torture if once it was done and over with Kara decided only to be sisters… She would be destroyed, but even so, it'd be what she deserved.

Kara continued her tantalizing touches, Alex wanted desperately to connect their lips, but she could tell that was a liberty she was not allowed to take at the moment. This was for Kara, and Alex had absolutely no problem with that, as long as the younger woman never stopped touching her.

As Kara pressed on with the heavenly touches to Alex's collarbone, she took her other hand and started rubbing up and down the older sister's back. Alex was completely and utterly intoxicated by her younger sister and was about to plead for more, but stopped short as she reminded herself that Kara was the boss. That Kara was in charge and what she said went, so if Kara wanted to go torturously slow, they would.

Just as Kara grabbed the rope to the agent's robe, and Alex's arousal had become painful and desperate, Kara stopped. The young blonde backed completely away from her older sister with wide eyes and started shaking her head fiercely. "Oh, Jesus, Alex… I'm so sorry... I just.. Got carried away. I-I read Fifty Shades, last night before I heard you cry and I've been painfully aroused ever since, and it wasn't fair of me to do that to you. Sex isn't a form of apology… Not a moral one, at least… I- I'm sorry."

Alex's heart was on fire. How could Kara even think for a second that she had to apologize for having natural hormones? How could Kara believe that she had to ask Alex for permission to take her anymore? If this would help them reunite she would so be willing to do it… Even if it weren't, Alex would willingly give herself to Kara… She was powerless against the blonde, and even if she weren't powerless, she still would give in. There was no possible circumstance where Alex would refuse sex with Kara unless it wasn't actually what the blonde wanted, and from the looks of it, Kara didn't care who she had sex with, she was just painfully horny. So she had to make sure before she continued. She knew that this wasn't going to be lovemaking if she did get Kara to agree to this, and she knew that it'd be emotionally traumatizing if this didn't improve things between them. But right then all that mattered to her was that her clit would stop throbbing painfully, Kara was pleased, and she could get to have Kara (at least once) fully. "Don't apologize, Kara. If you want me, take me. Please."

Kara shook her head. "NO! Alex, you aren't a fucking toy! You're my… You're my sister."

Alex shook her head, suppressing tears. "But I'm not." She insisted.

Kara stood silently.

"Damn it, Kara! Please!" She yelled, begging her sister to just fucking be selfish for a change.

Kara shook her head. "Even I know that this is wrong Alex. I'm not going to use you for sex. Especially when we have been going through a lot of problems lately."

Alex needed this, especially now that she knew it was what Kara wanted. "No! Kara, please! Be selfish, just this once!"

Kara shook her head. "I can't. Not to you."

Alex's heart swelled with adoration at the weight of that statement, but she couldn't handle it. She knew the emotional consequences of an adverse outcome after this, but she also knew that a few minutes of utter bliss would be worth the extreme emotional anguish she'd feel if Kara decided that it was only going to be that once. "Yes, you can. Take me, Kara…"

Kara looked at her incredulously. "Why in Rao's name would you want me to treat you like a disposable sex toy, Alex?"

Alex lowered her head. "Because, Kar'. I'm the reason you aren't free to have sex with whoever it is you.." She fought back a sob at the image of Kara with someone else... "Whoever it is you typically go to for this type of situation."

Kara's face flushed. "You mean my vibrator?" She murmured.

Alex's arousal only increased at that imagery. "Y-you mean… You never…"

Kara shook her head shyly at her while her flush only increased.

" _How?_ " She asked in shock. Kara was fucking gorgeous… How the hell could someone like her still be a virgin at age 27?

"I-I just never felt comfortable enough with anyone… no one ever felt… _right_."

Alex gulped, that meant that if Kara was willing to have sex with her…. The agent felt _right_ to Kara. Happiness and hope filled her body, and she was just about to speak before they were rudely interrupted by a bang on the door.

_Clark._

**XXX**

Alex didn't really _hate_ Clark Kent, but she wasn't a fan of his in the least. Especially after he had interrupted her and Kara's heart-to-heart so that she could help him take down a group of Parademons, so Alex was left under the protection of J'onn at the Tetepare safehouse until the blonde got back, she was worried, but she had faith in Kara. She was mainly just pissed at Kal-El.

She was never the biggest fan of Clark's. Mainly because he should've been there more during Kara's youth. She agreed that the Danvers raising the young alien was the best for Kara, but that didn't excuse the fact that he had never been there for her during her childhood or early adulthood until she came out as Supergirl. He had been no better than the rest of Kara's incompetent family and had abandoned her for their own interests, not ever once thinking about Kara's wellbeing.

Kara deserved at least one family member that wanted to be there for her, and that understood what it was like to be an alien on a human planet, yet the one person who could've given that to her refused to do so. He was never there for birthday parties, he was never there for holidays, and he never even came to check on the younger woman after the events of myriad, _or_ the red kryptonite instant. He was never there for her, and the one time he _was_ there for her was when Kara didn't really need him, and that was only because James had asked him to be there for her. It wasn't for Kara, it had been for James, and now that James had gone, Clark had been even less attentive to Kara.

Clark didn't deserve to be in Kara's life, he was never around when Kara needed her, but as soon as he hit trouble, he would instantaneously expect Kara to bend over backward for him. He used her more than anyone Alex had ever known, and she was powerless to stop it because no matter how horribly Clark would treat the younger blonde, Kara always sought him out for familial reasons.

It stung that Kara always ran to Clark and doted over the man when he _was_ around because Alex had never abandoned her, and never would, yet it was never enough for Kara. Alex knew that it probably never could be because Alex was human, and no matter what magic, life-prolonging drink she took, she would always be human, just an immortal one. So, Clark would always get a piece of Kara that Alex could never have, and it wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair because Alex had been doing Clark's job for a decade and a half, yet Clark still got to be needed by Kara. It wasn't fair because when Kara had splitting headaches because she couldn't control her super hearing, Alex was there to comfort her and teach her how to turn it was there through the heartbreaks, the puberty, _everything_ , and Clark had done nothing. Clark had abandoned his familial duty to play house with Lois Lane, yet never get married.

So, no. Alex wasn't that big of a fan of Clark Kent's, and she highly doubted she ever would be. Especially now that he thinks he has the right to interrupt them when Kara had specifically told everyone to leave them alone.

That also wasn't fair, because Kara was entitled to a break here and there, and they treated her like she wasn't a person… Like her personal life didn't matter, but it did. Kara's happiness was the only thing in the world that mattered… At least to Alex.

She had to admit, after today's clear violation of Kara's privacy, she hated him. She had always loathed him, but now she _hated_ him and most likely always would from there on out. After everything that the Last Son Of Krypton had done to Kara, there was only one person who could be rival for the label 'Person who has hurt Kara Danvers the Most, ' and that was Cat Grant, but at least she seemed to regret it, Kal El did not. He appeared to believe that he could _never_ do wrong by Kara, but he was wrong, Kara was family, and even Astra refused to abandon her 'Little One.'

Alex sighed… _Astra_ the reason she and Kara weren't together…. The last person that had been important to Kara Zor-El on Krypton… The only person who knew the real Kryptonian Kara…. And Alex had stolen her from Kara… Then had lied to her about it for months… She was lucky Kara was even speaking to her at the moment, let alone wanting to have sex with her.

She felt a few tears trickle down her face. She knew the only reason Kara was even talking to her was that she felt like she was obligated to do so by some ancient Kryptonian vow of family. She shook her head. "Damn it, Kara… Just be selfish... just this one time. For once in your just life do something for _you."_ She whispered to herself as she sat on the bed. "Just you."

"Okay." She heard come from behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning! **Next chapter will be rated E... For Extremely Sexual ;)****
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASE Comment what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has changed the rating of the story from T to E.

Alex turned around to see an irritate J'onn standing before her. The man had said the word decisively as if she had said something that had finally made up his mind on a serious topic. She was confused, but she was also wallowing in her own heartache, so the only thing that she could say was.. "Okay?" She asked through her tears.

The dark skinned man nodded. "Yes. Okay." He said with evident irritation.

The woman furrowed her brows. "Okay, what?" She asked.

"Okay, I'm done letting you do this to yourselves. You and Kara are miserable. Now I'm not sure what she wants. I don't know if she wants you back as a sister or something more again, but I do know that she wants you back in some capacity. She wants you back, but she needs to know the whole story before she can forgive you. She's being selfless once again and putting your feelings first instead of asking what she needs to in order to heal herself, and that's on you, Alex. You have been too afraid to tell her."

Alex frowned, it was true, the one time her little sister had spoken to her in any other way but professional during the four months of radio silence from Kara, the Kryptonian had said that she needed to know, and Alex froze. Kara must've decided to take it upon herself to make it easier for Alex and distance herself for an even longer period in an attempt to get over her anger, but what Kara didn't seem to realize that the longer Kara was upset with her, the longer that Alex was in emotional agony. "Shit." She said.

J'onn nodded. "Yeah, shit," he said with a roll of his eyes. "She still is furious with me, but I overheard her conversations with Clark earlier when they were discussing their plan to destroy the Parademons, and he mentioned the kiss. She still cares about you, although Clark isn't your biggest fan."

Alex snickered at that. She didn't care if Clark was her fan, he didn't deserve to be called Kara's cousin, so it really didn't bother her. In her mind, he was a faux hero that always gets the credit for _Kara's_ work and sacrifice. But she was curious. "W-what did she say about me?" She asked her surrogate father.

J'onn sighed and shook his head. "I'm not at liberty to disclose that much information, but I will tell you this. If you want Kara to be happy, if you want her to finally do what she wants to do, tell her the whole story. Explain it to her, tell her why you chose fatality over injury because that's the part she can't wrap her head around and explain to her how sorry you are for lying to her for so long. It doesn't excuse it, but it will make her feel better knowing that it wasn't with malicious intent. Deep down she knows that it wasn't, but a tiny part of her still holds doubt. You need to stop hiding behind the alcohol, and own up to it all so that you can move forward together in whatever way you can."

Alex nodded as tears started to blur her vision. She should've told Kara the day that she admitted to needing to know the whole story, instead of freezing up in pure fear and cowardice.

"You're a good Agent, Alex. You're an even better sister, and Kara knows that. She's  just hurt and needs to know the whole story. I've seen how hard she's been trying to forgive you, but no matter how hard she tries she can't, and it's eating her alive."

Alex sighed and nodded her head. "You're right; I need to just get this over with. For Kara's sake… And for my sanity."

J'onn nodded. "You two will get through this, Alex. I know you will. But you both have to stop being afraid to lose each other for a moment and just be open with each other. She's selfless to a fault, especially for you, and you are both terrified of losing each other. You need to talk to each other and work this out."

"I know," Alex admitted. "When she gets back here I will talk to her; I'm just scared J'onn… I could have just rendered Astra unable to move until Kara got there, so there was no reason to kill her… What if Kara is unable to forgive me after that?"

Jonn shook his head. "You're blind to how much Kara cares for you. Either way, I'm not Kara, so my words are powerless to reassure you that Kara will forgive you. Only Kara can do that, I can see it on your face, and I can hear it in your voice. Just talk to her, Danvers… It's the only way that you will feel better."

 _Or worse._ Alex said to herself.

J'onn shook his head. "No, Alex. It will only make you feel better.

Alex was irritated by her surrogate father reading her mind, but before she could comment on it, they heard the front door to the cottage open, signaling Kara and Clark's arrival. Alex's heart sped up, and she wiped her eyes. It was definitely time to come completely clean.

**XXX**

Kara and J'onn had said goodbye about a half an hour after her return to the cottage, but to Alex's dismay, Clark had decided to stay longer. Currently, Alex could hear them laughing and conversing in the living room while she stayed in her bedroom. The agent doubted Kara knew that she was awake, she must've assumed that Alex hadn't greeted her because she had fallen asleep, so Alex was lucky enough not to have to see the annoying male Kryptonian. Soon though, Alex started to get hungry, and her stomach began to growl to the point that she was sure the superhumans would be able to hear it. She had done a good job at laying silently in bed, but her growling stomach would begin to make her little sister worry if she didn't soon exit the room and grab a snack. She sighed and begrudgingly got out of her bed to get something to eat.

As soon as she got out of her bedroom, she immediately locked eyes with the man she'd been trying to avoid. "Oh, I apologize, Alex. Did we wake you?" He asked.

Alex could tell that Clark was only asking to benefit Kara, and although that annoyed her, she faked a smile and shook her head. "Nope, my stomach just needs something to eat." She answered.

At that answer, Kara turned around with a half smile on her face. "I picked you up some Vegetable beef stew from that bistro you loved down the street from your old apartment. It probably needs to be reheated, but it smelled delicious."

Alex smiled genuinely at her sister's reply. If Kara was doing these little things for her again, it was definitely a good sign. "Thanks, Kar' that means a lot." She said before going to the kitchen to get the mentioned food.

When she found it, she poured it into a small pot and put it on the stove. When it started to bubble, she took it off the burner and reached into one of the cupboards above her head to get a bowl for it. When she turned around, Kara was there and spooked her. "JESUS!" she yelped, dropping the expensive glass bowl and shattering it.

"Oh! Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you." Kara said as she looked towards her sister with concern.

Alex just chuckled. How on Earth did Kara walk so silently all the time? "I'm fine. But you should really wear a bell, so you don't give people heart attacks!" She joked.

Kara smiled. "How was your day?" She asked casually.

Alex could tell that Kara was trying hard to be her usual self, but she wasn't 100% successful. It hurt the older sister, but she tried her hardest not to let it show, and hoped to any deity that was out there that when they finally talked; either that night or in the morning, that they could go back to the way things had been pre-Astra. "It was eye-opening. Do you think that we could talk soon? After Clark leaves, or tomorrow morning?"

Kara looked very worried. "You okay?"

Alex shrugged. "Depends on your definition of okay."

Kara didn't seem to find that funny and glared at her older sister. "Alex, that isn't funny. You're worrying me. What's going on?"

Alex straightened her face to show Kara that she was serious. "I'm not hurt or sick; I just think that a talk between the two of us is long overdue." She admitted while trying to calm her racing heart.

Kara nodded. "Clark should be leaving in a few minutes. I'll meet you in your room?"

Alex gulped as she nodded in agreement. "I'll be waiting with my boiling hot stew." She said with a chuckle.

Kara smiled. "Don't worry about the bowl; I'll clean it up before we talk." She said. "I don't want you getting yourself cut since there Is  not a broom in sight." She explained before kissing Alex's cheek and walking out of the room.

Alex had finished her soup in about ten minutes and was waiting in her room anxiously for Kara to knock on her door so she could finally tell the blonde the entire story of Astra's death.

She was so nervous that she had to do breathing exercises to keep from hyperventilating. Her butterflies weren't joyfully fluttering in her stomach and chest like they did when Kara would smile or laugh. It felt like they were in a huge sword fight with each other, and the only one that was losing was Alex because she was becoming nauseous with anxiety.

Finally, after about a twenty-minute wait came the knock, she'd been anticipating. "Come in, Kar'" she called to the younger woman.

Kara entered hesitantly. "What is it that you want to talk about?" She asked as she stood right inside of the door.

Alex didn't like how nervous Kara was acting, but she couldn't blame the younger sister for being hesitant with how cryptic Alex was being. "Sit, sit," Alex said as she gestured to a spot on the bed. "I think it's time I give you the answers that you've wanted from me."

Kara shook her head apprehensively. "No, Al… it's fine. I've just-"

Alex interrupted her. "NO, Kara. It isn't fine. You deserve the whole truth, especially since you are having a hard time coping with everything because I refused to tell you the whole story."

Kara was about to refute once more, but Alex had enough. She was tired of being selfish. "No, Kara. I want you, for once in your life, to do something that benefits you without worrying about me. Ask what you want, and I will answer because it was wrong of me to not answer you in the first place. It's not fair to you that you believe you have to take care of me even when I've hurt you so badly. So please, ask what you want to know, and I will tell you the truth."

Kara looked as if she was about to argue, but decided against it at the last minute and nodded. "Okay." She said.

Alex took a profound and steadying breath before she sat on the bed a bit further down from Kara and awaited her first question.

"Was there any way to get around killing her?" She asked in a sad voice that made Alex's heart clench with regret.

Alex gulped back tears. "Yes." She said honestly.

The pain on the superhero's face made Alex want to hurl, but she kept her composure. "Then, why?" Kara insisted through tears.

Alex gulped back a sob before she spoke. "Because I was panicked. She was above J'onn and said that she was going to give him an honorable death, and my first instinct was to protect him, and I ended up doing so by killing her. I know that we don't usually kill unless there's no other option, and it's absolutely necessary, but I was terrified for J'onn. I know that doesn't justify killing her when she had just helped me save you, but that's the only answer I can give you."

Kara was crying hard, and Alex wanted more than anything to hold her but wasn't sure if Kara would be okay with it, so she sat there helplessly

"You didn't do it on purpose?".

Alex shook her head. "I aimed blindly."

Kara nodded and stood up, causing Alex to panic silently. Was she about to disown her?

But what Alex hadn't expected was Kara to turn around and walk in front of Alex's body that was rested on the bed and push her into the mattress with her body, connecting their lips in a fervent kiss.

Alex was shocked but excited to finally be kissing her little sister once again. Her heart filled with hope that this meant Kara was giving her one last chance to be with her again.

She however, was still worried that Kara was doing things she couldn't control out of grief. "K-Kara" She murmured against the younger sister's lips.

"Shhhh." Kara shushed. "I need to be close to you again."

Alex's arousal pooled even wetter between her legs. "A-are you sure?" She asked. _**Please** be sure **.**_ She internally begged her sister.

Soon all inhibition went out the window along with any clarity Alex may have had about the situation. She could no longer resist the urge to feel her sister's muscles, and her hands were all over Kara's back. Kara being on top seemed not to know what to do with her hands, but soon Alex felt them slide under her back, and then soon up into her hair where they grabbed fistfuls of hair and tugged lightly. When Kara pulled on her hair, Alex gasped against the blonde's lips. _"Please_ , Kara. Take me." She begged. 

Kara nodded. "My fucking pleasure." She said in a husky voice that caused Alex's already soaked core to become even moister. The younger woman sat up and kneeled above the brunette. "Clothes off, please." She said before creeping her fingers underneath the hemline of her shirt. When her fingers grazed Alex's skin, Alex let out an audible moan. Kara inched her way up her sister's back torturously slow, pulling the nightshirt up and over Alex's head.

Alex stared at Kara nervously, as the younger woman examined her body wordlessly. She was worried that Kara wouldn't like what she saw since she wasn't a male, and decide against this and the renewal of their relationship. This was a huge step for the both of them, and it was crucial that this went well. To ensure that it did go well, Alex decided to give full control over to Kara (Like she'd been craving for the past 14 years)

Finally, after an agonizing minute, Kara grabbed the brunette's breast. "You're so fucking beautiful," Kara said as she massaged the firm tit. Alex's heart leaped at the compliment from Kara and smiled widely as she felt the incredible pleasure that her sister was giving her nipple.

Soon, Kara rolled them over so that Alex was on top, which Alex allowed, but was nervous as hell about. She leaned down and connected their lips again. Their bodies melded together as their hands traveled all over each other and their tongues danced together in a luxurious kiss.

Alex pulled back from the kiss, staring down at her sister with so much passion that it overwhelmed her. "I love you so fucking much." Alex cried, hoping Kara would understand the plea behind those words.

"Show me," Kara replied breathlessly.

Alex understood what that meant, and she dived back into a passion filled kiss. Kara brought her arms up around Alex's neck and wrapped her legs around the older woman's waist. Alex enjoyed the connection. She wanted her sister as close as possible as they made love for the first time. If she were to be honest, she always wanted her sister as close as possible.

Alex broke through Kara's lips once more, her tongue entering her mouth passionately. Their lips smacked as both passion and lust filled the air. Alex wanted so badly to take it slow and make sweet, passionate, mind-blowing love to her sister, but at the same time she wanted to take off all of Kara's clothes, and she wanted Kara to ride her face until she screamed Alex's name. Then she wanted to do it again and again until the Kryptonian beneath her passed out from an orgasmic overload.

Kara parted herself from her sister and their lips disconnected as she sucked on Alex's tongue until it slipped completely out of her mouth. Alex gazed into Kara's eyes lovingly, seeing nothing but desire, lust, and love staring back at her. The older sister brushed a strand of hair from her beautiful sister's face and tucked it behind her ear. She caressed Kara's flushed cheek and leaned in slowly, kissing her again.

Gently, Alex lowered her hand from Kara's cheek. She went over her strong, broad shoulder, and down her arm. Once she reached her wrist, she slid the rest of the way down to her hand and intertwined their fingers as she once again gazed into the eyes of her entire universe. "You are my everything, Kara." She whispered earnestly.

Kara smiled as her cheeks flushed. "Show me." She murmured as she once again connected their lips.

As they kissed, Alex felt like she had reached somewhere far greater than heaven once again. As she kissed the woman, she loved she felt as if she could never get enough of this. She decided to live in the moment because if she tried to do anything else, she would fail miserably because all that she could focus on was the feeling of Kara's lips moving against her own and the taste of the woman's mouth.

Soon, Alex's hands found their way to the hem of Kara's shirt. She played tauntingly with it, silently asking Kara's permission, and when she received an almost imperceptible nod, she slid her hand underneath the shirt, making contact with her sister's firm, taut belly. Alex felt Kara shiver at the contact and wasn't sure if it was a good or bad sign, so she stilled herself for a moment until Kara's tongue slipped into her mouth once more.

Alex continued to move her hand as her heart pounded in her chest. Her breathing became erratic, despite still being lip-locked to her foster sister. This was all new to Alex, despite knowing that she'd been gay her entire life because of Kara, and having needs, she refused to have sex with anyone that wasn't her Kryptonian foster sister… in fact, she'd only ever kissed one other person, and she immediately felt as if she had been cheating on Kara even though they hadn't been together at the time, so Alex was terrified of doing something wrong but also insatiably excited that she was so close to Kara at that moment. She shook away the fear and focused on how thrilled she was to be in this intimate position with Kara. She wanted to make love to her sister; she wanted to squeeze Kara's hardened nipples, and she wanted to taste her baby sister's sweet ambrosia between her strong muscular thighs.

She caressed Kara's abs a little more before her hands began to travel up Kara's abdomen. Her fingers reached the bottom of Kara's bra, and she smiled. She broke the kiss and nervously looked into her lover's beautiful ocean eyes. "M-may I?" She asked cautiously.

Kara nodded and ripped her shirt off of her abdomen, revealing her toned stomach, and black lace bra to her big sister.

Alex's heart rate accelerated rapidly. She stared at her gorgeous Kryptonian with widened eyes and a dropped jaw. She stared while she held her breath from fear of speaking improperly. Her core felt like an ocean especially now that the woman she'd wanted to be with for the past 14 years was offering herself to Alex.

For _half_ of her life she'd been dreaming of this, longing for it, and now she got to see it, and it was so much more amazing than she could have ever imagined. So amazing in fact, that if felt as though she had just picked her panties up out of a rain puddle and put them on. They were drenched.

"It's okay," Kara whispered soothingly. "Touch them."

Alex needed no further instruction and happily obliged. She brought her hands up and carefully placed them on Kara's cloaked mounds. The bra was soft, and she could feel the Superhero's hardened nubs sticking out through the padded cups. The sight and the feeling of the hardened nubs drove Alex absolutely insane. She wanted her sister, and she wanted her sister immediately.

Alex leaned back in to kiss her Kryptonian and massaged the C-cup breasts as they continued to make out. Alex's passion and desire set her soul afire. Now she didn't just want her sister… She _needed_ her sister, and she needed her _**NOW.**_

They continued to make out, and soon her hands left Kara's breasts and began to roam the firm body beneath hers as Kara's hands began to massage Alex's ass. She grazed her fingers down Kara's tight stomach one last time before bringing them to the tie of Kara's sweatpants and untied them. She climbed off of her sister and pulled the pants off of the hero's legs, but when she started to have trouble, Kara lifted up her hips and helped her, causing the pants to slide off much easier. Once they were off, the only article of clothing left on Kara's bottom half was a sopping wet pair of black panties. Alex immediately threw the pants to the side and threw herself down on her knees. She lifted up Kara's legs but then realized she might have been being presumptuous. She looked back up to her sister who was staring at her with hooded eyes. "May… May I taste you, Kara?" She asked apprehensively.

Kara nodded, and Alex's stomach somersaulted out of pure joy. She softly kissed her sister's thighs, causing Kara to release soft moans. The agent parted her sister's legs wider and gazed at the sopping black undies that adorned Kara's vagina. She kissed Supergirl's left thigh, then her right, and moved closer to the woman's center. With each kiss she was moving closer and closer to her sister's core, and she could smell the honeydew scent of Kara's arousal, which only made her wetter. It was like an aphrodisiac; it lured her in, and she couldn't ignore it if she tried. Her nipples were rock hard, and her core was painfully soaked, but all she could think about was finally getting to taste her sister after years of longing and suppressed feelings.

She leaned into Kara's cunt and rubbed the tip of her nose against the clothed clit, causing Kara to groan. "MMM Alex. No teasing." She whined, and Alex understood the frustration, so she prepared to taste the glorious gift that she was being offered.

"I love you so much, Kar'" She said before biting the panties and pulling them down her sister's legs with her teeth. Kara moaned at the sight and Alex couldn't help but smile proudly at the sound. She looked at the beautiful rosy- pink and sopping wet pussy before her and moaned. She couldn't wait any longer and pressed her lips against Kara's swollen bundle of nerves. When she heard Kara whimper, she sucked on the younger woman's wet folds. She then nuzzled her way through the folds and collected the Kryptonian's arousal with her tongue.

She began sucking at her sister's pussy. The agent reached up and grabbed both of the blonde's bra-clad breasts as she continued to eat the hero's pussy. Kara began to fidget and to Alex's delight, began to ride her older sister's face. She started to moan and groan as she ground her core against Alex's mouth.

Alex dug her tongue up and down between the folds of Kara's crux, causing Kara to scream Alex's name out as she grabbed fistfuls of the older woman's hair. Soon Alex licked her sister's slit as she moved up to the clit once more, causing an even louder howl to leave the daughter of Krypton's mouth. Alex continued to suck on Kara's clit incessantly.

"I-I'm close, Al. I'm so close!" Kara yelled.

Alex's heart melted at how sweetly those words came out of the younger Danvers' mouth and started running her tongue over the hardened nub before her, even faster. Kara's hips moved around rapidly, and Alex did everything she could to bring her sister to an orgasm. About thirty seconds later Kara's body jolted into an arch. "OH FUCK! ALEX!" She screamed as her juices coated Alex's entire face.

The brunette woman continued to hungrily lap up the juices as she helped Kara come down from what seemed to be an immensely powerful orgasm. Once she was sure that Kara had ridden the last of her climax out, she cleaned the younger woman up with her tongue and sat up with a smile.

Kara was panting and spoke breathlessly. "You are amazing." She said.

Alex smiled, and cuddled up next to her sister, not expecting anything in return because:

1: She didn't know what this meant for them now.

And

2: Kara seemed to be utterly exhausted.

But before she knew it, Kara had stripped her completely naked with super speed and was kissing her. _Thank god for Kryptonian stamina._ She thought before kissing her foster sister back.

Kara eventually pulled away from the kiss. "My turn." She said seductively.

Alex nodded with widened eyes and spread her legs. "Oh, _fuck_! **YES PLEASE**." She cried out.

Kara chuckled before she started kissing her way down Alex's body and stopping to suck on one of Alex's breasts. The feeling of Kara's tongue on her erect nipple was something she couldn't even begin to express, so instead of trying she moaned loudly. Soon, Kara released Alex's nipple from her mouth with a loud _*pop*_ before switching to its twin and giving it the same treatment. Alex needed more; she needed _so much_ more and in an attempt to receive it, she arched her back to press her bosoms into Kara's goddess-like mouth.

"You're going to come for me, Alex," Kara said in a stern, yet seductive voice.

Alex nodded vehemently. She _gladly_ would come for Kara if she'd just give her what she needed.

Kara smiled and ran a finger through Alex's folds. "You're soaking wet, for me." She said in awe.

Alex nodded. "You always do that to me." She said through shallow breaths, "Just one smile and I'm done for." She admitted.

Kara's eyes went black with lust and without another word she shoved three fingers inside Alex's tight cunt.

Alex grunted, and her eyes bugged out at the unexpected intrusion. She'd only ever had had one finger pushed inside of her before, which was her own, so she was being stretched far wider than she ever had been, and it caused some pain, but when Kara started to move in and out, the pain was matched with pleasure. Soon, Kara was fucking Alex with speeds she was sure only a Kryptonian could manage, and the feeling was absolutely magnificent… No, not magnificent.. that word couldn't even explain how heavenly this felt. She moaned louder than she had ever made herself, and she could tell that she was getting closer to climax, and just before she could say so, Kara stuck a fourth finger in.

"FUCK!" Alex screamed, she hadn't expected that, and it didn't feel the greatest at first, the pain overrode the pleasure for the first nine pumps, but then soon enough the pleasure took over, and it was even stronger than before. "OH!" she moaned out. "OH, Kara. Kara! KARA!"

She was the closest she'd ever been to blacking out from pure pleasure. Soon, she felt Kara's thumb get added to the fist inside of her, and _god_ that hurt the most, but it lasted the shortest amount of time before pure euphoria took over her body, and she moaned… no, she _screamed_ in approval.

Just as she was sure lovemaking couldn't get any better, she felt Kara's tongue flick her clit as she continued to fist her big sister's cunt, and she came right on the spot with a loud, guttural " _ **KAAAAAARRRRAAAAAAAA!**_ "

Kara let her ride out her orgasmic high and then pulled out of her older sister's cunt. Licking her hand clean then wiping it on the bed. "God, you're amazing." She said with an adorable smile that melted Alex's heart and sent hope through her soul.

"No, you are." Alex retorted.

Kara chuckled and shook her head as she laid back against the headboard, gesturing for Alex to cuddle into her side.

The brunette agent wanted to ask what it all meant, but she didn't want to scare Kara off, so instead, she asked a more casual version of that. "What was that all about?" She inquired in an attempted casual tone. A tone that failed drastically.

Kara furrowed her brows. "What do you mean? The cuddles?"

Alex gulped. "N-no… The sex."

"It was about the fact that I wanted to make love to you?" Kara said confusedly.

Alex nodded into her sister's chest and tightened her hold on her Kryptonian little sister. "Okay." She said. Except… she wasn't. The sex was absolutely mind blowing. She could still taste Kara's sweet nectar on her tongue, could still feel Kara's mouth on her core. She could still hear Kara's moans, feel Kara's entire fist pumping in and out of her at rapid, inhuman speeds. She could feel the butterflies and the euphoria from making love with her sister, but she had absolutely no idea what it meant and. She couldn't handle it. So, she finally asked the end-all make-all question that she feared the answer to.

"What are we now, Kar?" She asked with fear running cold in her veins.

Kara kept her head tilted upwards on the headboard. "We're sisters." She said, causing Alex's heart to shatter, and tears to immediately well up in her eyes. Then kara looked down into her eyes and smiled before she spoke again. "We're sisters, but we're not." She said softly.

That one little sentence fixed very broken part of Alex's heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind that I very rarely write smut scenes, so I'm sure this wasn't the greatest... please, take it easy on me. Also, the girls will be talking about everything more in the next chapter so please don't hate on me for having Kara randomly pounce on Alex and take her back... it will all be explained.
> 
> Please let me know if you enjoyed!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very heavy in dialogue. I hadn't meant to write it that way, but there was just so much that needed to be said. I hope that you enjoy.

Waking up in Kara's arms again after almost five months was the greatest feeling in Alex's life. She looked up to her girlfriend and smiled contentedly as the younger woman slumbered. She stayed there, in the arms of Supergirl, and waited for her to awake, not caring in the slightest that her stomach was protesting. Food could wait.

Her stomach began to growl, and she willed it to shut up, but unfortunately, it was relentless and continued to gurgle. She sighed, getting ready to leave the comfort of her lover's arms so she could make them both breakfast when her Kryptonian tightened her hold. "Just wait for a little longer," she said sleepily. "We're going home today, so that means I can just cook you something there."

Alex smiled and leaned down to kiss the love of her life. But as she pulled apart, she remembered something… Kara hadn't said that she forgave Alex… instead she had sex with her. That fact alone made Alex worry. Had Kara really forgiven her? She wasn't sure, but she needed to know before the fear consumed her again "Can we talk?" She asked, attempting to mask the fear in her voice with a smile.

Kara nodded. "Of course." She said with a smile.

Alex decided just to get it all out there, but she needed to know that Kara would let her talk. "I have some things that I need to say. There will be a lot, so can you just not interrupt, please? Can you let me get it all out?" Kara nodded, giving Alex the courage to start her monolog. "When I lost you five months ago, my entire world went to shit. I couldn't smile. I couldn't laugh. I lost twenty pounds. I couldn't sleep.. Hell, to be honest, I could barely breathe without you. I know that what I did was stupid, and I know that lying to you for months was cruel, but I need you to know that I am so fucking sorry and that I never meant to hurt you. Please, _please_ tell me you know that." She begged.

Kara's eyes were leaking tears as she nodded. "I do, Alex. I promise you that I do."

The brunette grabbed her little sister's hand and pulled it up to her mouth to plant a kiss on it. "The amount of love I have for you is indescribable, Kar'. For years I thought that I would only get the honor of being your sister, and that was alright with me, but every day that I saw you, I yearned for your touch a little more. I know that I was selfish when I went away to college and started drinking uncontrollably, but only being your sister was an excruciating ordeal, but then J'onn found me, and I realized that I could protect you from the dangers of Earth and the sociopathic refugee aliens out there, and I sobered up. You may not have wanted me romantically, but I still found a way to be more for you, and that was motivation enough.

During those two years, I still got to see you regularly, but it was less frequent than it had previously had been so I could fight my urges a bit more… Then you became Supergirl, and I started seeing you everywhere; at work, at home, on TV… All day every day, and those feelings that I tried so hard to hide finally escaped and I did a terrible thing, and forced myself on you when I was drunk… That made me lose you for a while. But then something I had only ever dreamed could happen, happened. You kissed me and told me that we're more than just sisters, and everything was perfect for an entire month. However, my past came back to haunt me, and a terrible mistake that I had made six months prior came out in the open, and the lie that I had been telling you was finally revealed.

That made me lose you until last night. I'm not sure why exactly you made love to me last night. I'm hoping it was because you want to give me another chance, but I do know that I had never meant to hurt you and that sometimes our actions; whether we like it or not hurt the ones we love, and they deserve an apology, especially you.

So what I am saying is this, my entire life revolves around you, it has for the past fourteen years of my life, and without you, I am barely able to survive. When I killed Astra, I was mortified by the thought that if you had known it was me you would hate me, so I let J'onn take the blame. Eventually, though that guilt ate away at me and I told you the truth, and I hurt you even worse than I would have by just being honest, and I realize how absolutely idiotic and selfish I was, and for all those things, I would like to apologize.

I would like to apologize for everything I did or didn't do that ended up hurting you in the grand scheme of things. And I am hoping that one day, if not now, that you will forgive me for my selfish and cruel actions because I love you and I can't live without you."

When she finished, she finally looked into her lover's eyes and saw nothing but love and kindness. "Of course I forgive you, baby." Kara sobbed out. The use of the pet name causing Alex's heart to flip and fill with hope. "I forgave you when I was fighting the Parademons with Clark, and one of them had me pinned to the ground… They had surrounded us with Kryptonite, so we were both human, and needed oxygen, one of them grabbed me by the throat, and the only thing that my mind worried about was you. I worried about how you'd handle my death. I worried about how dangerous your job is and that I wouldn't be there to protect you anymore. I realized then and there that no matter what you did, you would never do anything to hurt me, and that I needed to try harder to at least bring us back to once you told me you hadn't purposely killed Astra, I couldn't take being estranged from you anymore. I needed to kiss you, to hold you, to reclaim you and I did, and that was incredible. I love you, Alex, and I want to be with you again."

Alex's heart soared, and her happiness was overwhelming. She grabbed Kara's face and smashed her lips to her sister's once more. "I love you more than anything else." She muttered against Kara's lips. "I will never screw this up again, I promise." She said. "You will not regret this."

Kara kissed her once more and pulled away. "I could never regret being with you, Alex. You're my star."

Alex smiled fondly at the love of her life. "I may be your star, but you're my universe." She said.

Kara shook her head. "You will always think that you love me more than I love you, I can tell. But just because you understood your feelings for that past fourteen years, and I didn't until six months ago doesn't mean that I love you less. If anything I love you more."

Alex chuckled as the butterflies returned to her stomach. "I can't believe we're already having these cutesy 'I love you more.' Fights… It's amazing. You're amazing. "

Kara kissed Alex's temple before standing up. "You know what's gonna be more amazing?" She asked.

Alex shook her head. "Wha- OO!" She was interrupted by Kara picking her up from the bed. Alex giggled and wrapped her arms around Kara's shoulders so that she was being held bridal style. "What, baby?"

"Taking you home and showing you off to the world." She replied with a huge, and bright smile. "Because this time we're doing it right. The whole world needs to know that Alex and Kara Danvers are soulmates and nothing is going to tear them apart."

Alex marveled at her sister, as the hero carried her through the cottage and out the front door. "Only if you're sure. I don't want to pressure you."

Kara shook her head. "You're not pressuring me. I want this, Alex. I want _us_ and I want it to be real. So yes, I'm sure."

The determination on the blonde's face was beautiful, and Alex was I awe of how breathtakingly beautiful she looked. "I still am shocked that you've never done anything with anyone else.. that's just… unfathomable. You have no idea how hard it was for me to keep my hands to myself all these years, let alone some horny teenaged boy."

Kara frowned. "Well, I.. I've never had _sex_ with anyone else… I did you know… do stuff… with one boy. Remember Jason?" Alex's heart shattered, and her stomach churned as she nodded. "We made out a few times… and you remember James and I had kissed a lot when we were together. Oh! and Winn kissed me that one time, so I don't know.. I'm not as innocent as I seem to be I guess."

Alex's ached at the reminder of all the boys Kara had dated in high school and the one man-child that had gotten to date Kara before Alex finally got her chance with her. And she chuckled at how adorable Kara was being about kissing. "God, Kara.. you really are a saint." Kara furrowed her brows. "Do you not think I know you've kissed other people? You came straight to me whenever you kissed someone.. except when Cat kissed you last month, but that's beside the point. Kissing doesn't count as 'doing stuff' you big space puppy…"

Kara smiled widely again. "Then you're right. You're my first."

Alex smiled until she saw Kara frown. "What's wrong, baby?" She asked worriedly.

"Wh-who was your first?" The Kryptonian asked as she placed Alex on the ground and supersped into her suit. When she was dressed as Supergirl, she picked up the older sister and took off.

"You," Alex admitted.

Kara looked at her incredulously. "Alex you can't possibly expect me to believe th-"

"You are, Kar'. I only ever kissed Vicki Donahue in high school. Just once, and I felt sick to my stomach afterward because it felt like I was betraying you."

Kara looked confused. "Why?" She asked as she flew up past the clouds. "We weren't together then."

Alex nodded. "I know, but it still felt wrong. She wasn't you, and never could compare. You're the only one for me, Kara. I've always known that, but I tried to distract myself, and felt terrible afterward. Then that night you came home from the movies with Jason and some friends and told me about your first kiss, and I wanted to die. I'm so thankful that I don't have to hear your boy troubles anymore." She finished with a chuckle.

Kara rolled her eyes. "They weren't that bad."

Alex laughed at her sister's petulant response and kissed her hard on the lips. She pulled back and smiled. "You broke his nose the first time, Kar."

Kara groaned. "Yes, I know, and I felt terrible about it."

" I was kinda glad that it went badly, and I felt terrible for it, but it was still hilarious, and it made me feel a bit better."

"I know, you laughed when I told you about it, but then you ended up comforting me because I couldn't stop crying. It was humiliating." Kara giggled.

Alex smiled. "I'll always be there for you, Kar. What sucked though, is that he stayed around until senior year." She admitted 

Kara smiled sadly at her, and Alex felt guilty for telling her how badly Kara had hurt her throughout high school. "I wish you would've told me, Alex… I probably wouldn't have responded so poorly back then because it wouldn't have been such a shock. Obviously, I wouldn't have been expecting it, but it wouldn't have been hidden for so long, and I wouldn't have to think so carefully before concluding that I loved you too."

Alex nodded and averted her gaze to see a family of dolphins leaping out of the ocean. She smiled happily at them before returning her gaze to her girlfriend. "We're together now, and although I regret not telling you sooner, all that matters is that we're together now and that's the most important thing."

Kara nodded in agreement. "You and I are what matters."

Alex smiled and held her sister a bit tighter. "That's something we can both agree on."

They flew silently for a few minutes before the brunette realized something. "What are we going to do about our clothes, Kara? We left them at the Cabin."

Kara smirked. "We don't need clothes for what I've got in mind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the end of the story unless I do an epilogue because people feel as if i'm dragging this out longer than needed. I had originally wanted to show Eliza's reaction to their relationship, but I don't want to drag this out and ruin it.:/
> 
> Please let me know if you enjoyed! OR if you would like to see where they ended up with an epilogue.
> 
> Thank you to all the readers that have encouraged me throughout! I love you all!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here is the requested final chapter! I hope that there aren't too many mistakes in it, I've got the flu and have been writing this all night. I hope it's not too jam-packed.**

**Thursday, September 28th, 2017:** Kara and Alex returned home, and called Eliza to invite her over for dinner Friday so that they could make a huge announcement. Eliza agreed.

The sisters-turned-lovers spent the rest of the day cuddling on their couch watching their favorite childhood movies and making love.

**Friday, September 29th, 2017:**

**2:00 PM:** Eliza arrived early to 'help' with dinner, while Kara was still at CatCo working diligently in her new promotion as a Journalist. Which meant Alex was stuck alone with Eliza, leaving the older woman to go on and on about the many 'disappointments' Alex had offered. Alex was feeling less and less confident about telling her mother about her new relationship with Kara, but she felt that if it was for Kara, she could handle the inevitable disownment her mother would bestow upon her.

"Alex, I just don't understand why you have to still work for the agency that killed your father! They are all monsters whether you want to believe it or not!" The older woman chastised.

Alex tried to rebuttal, but her mother cut right back in. "Oh! And poor Kara. She's probably still devastated about the loss of her boyfriend."

" _ **EX!**_ " Alex corrected fiercely. She couldn't help it; she needed to remind herself that Kara had chosen her _before_ James' death. Otherwise, she felt like second place no matter how many times Kara tried to reassure her.

Eliza hummed in dismissal. "Right, but she still loved him. She must still be absolutely devastated about losing him. I think that they were soulmates. They would've made amends and found a way back together eventually I'm sure. He was always a lovely gentleman the few times that I met him."

Alex felt fury build up inside of her. _How dare_ her mother talk about James like he was a saint. He treated Kara like a toy. Stringing her along for whenever he wanted her, and then tossing her aside once Lucy kissed his ass and made his ego all better after she crushed it by standing her ground to him. No. This was not going to settle well with the brunette. "Mom! You know that he mistreated her! Kara left him for a reason! They were so on-again-off-again that she got sick of it and left!"

The eldest Danvers woman seemed to be completely dismissive about the entire entourage Alex had gone through. "Please, do you honestly believe your father was a family man when I first met him? He and I broke up more times than I could count before he finally was ready to settle down and start a family. Not all men are willing to be loyal right away; you just have to give them time."

Alex scoffed. Times have changed, and her mother obviously didn't get the memo that women aren't walking doormats anymore. "Women don't _have_ to do anything if a man isn't ready to give them what they want, and Kara wanted happiness. He couldn't give that to her, so she found someone better!"

Eliza seemed enthused by Alex's slip. "Oh? Someone better, hmm? Is it that delightful IT boy? What was his name? Will? No.. that's not right… WINN!" Eliza chimed gleefully when she finally managed to remember Winn's name.

Alex hated how her mother instantly assumed Kara found another _man_ like the idea of Kara being anything but straight was entirely inconceivable. She wanted to shut that notion down immediately but was interrupted once again by her chatty mother. "Oh, I do hope it's him. He's a sweetie. I adored the way he helped her so much at the beginning of her becoming Supergirl."

Alex nodded with a tight smile. It was going to be along night…. Especially without the extra help from alcohol.

 **5:35 PM:** Kara finally arrived in her Supergirl uniform and Alex could finally breathe due to her mother's attention being switched full force to Kara. The two were in the kitchen preparing the meal (Kara was cooking Eliza was 'supervising' although Kara could out-chef her any day of the year) and Alex sat on a stool at the island and watched them converse. She smiled at how happy Kara looked, and dread began to creep in. It was more than obvious that Kara was going to be forced to choose between being romantic with Alex, and being Eliza's foster daughter.

Alex knew how terribly Kara wanted a family, so now that they were more than sisters, she began to fear that when they told Eliza the truth and the eldest Danvers denounced their relationship, Kara would choose to end their relationship in a last-ditch effort to keep their family intact.

She began to agonize over these fears internally for the rest of the night.

 **7:00 PM:** Alex, Kara, and Eliza were all seated at the dinner table eating and talking charismatically. Eliza had lightened up on Alex as soon as the two were blessed with Kara's presence and things seemed to be going well, but Alex was still petrified for the conversation Kara was about to start.

But before Kara could start, Eliza brought up the matter. "You know, that awful news agency that put out that fake kiss of you two is about to close down? I took one look at that broadcast and just knew it couldn't be my girls. You two have always been close, but I'd have known if it was anything other than sisterly." Eliza said with a scoff. "EVen if they thought that was a real kiss they shouldn't have posted that! Even superheroes need their own personal life!"

Kara looked over to Alex, and they locked eyes. Alex looked at her girlfriend and smiled the brightest smile she could fake as she held her breath and waited for the bomb to burst.

"We have something huge to tell you, Eliza, and we're hoping you'll support us."

Eliza put her fork down and nodded. "It must be pretty serious if you called me all the way over here just to tell me."

Alex gulped and reached for Kara's hand under the table… just in case it was the last time she'd be able to do so. Then she nodded her approval to Kara.

Kara smiled brightly at her foster mother and spoke proudly. "That kiss was real. Alex and I are together."

Eiza sat silently for a few moments staring wide-eyed and slack-jawed at her surrogate daughter and her biological one. Then she turned to Alex with a disappointed glare. "ALEXANDRA CAROLINE DANVERS!" She shouted.

Alex gulped… This was it, the moment everything fell apart. But, when she expected Eliza to continue, Kara stood up, grabbed Alex, and pulled her into the most fierce kiss that they'd shared. When they pulled away, Alex was breathless, in awe, and stunned into silence. She smiled blissfully to her sister with heavy lidded eyes and then she heard Kara began to speak to Eliza with the most forceful voice she'd ever heard.

" **NO**!" Kara demanded. "You don't get to blame her for something that makes her happy! You don't get to be disappointed in her for something that we BOTH want! We're both consenting adults that have no blood or legal relation to each other. Our relationship is completely legal. We may have grown up side by side. But lots of relationships start out that way. Maybe not exactly like ours, but still very similar. Alex makes me feel at home. She's been there for me through every single battle, every single heartache or setback, she's been there by my side cheering me on, and there's no way in hell I'm going to let you blame it all on her. I am just as much a part of this as she is, and if you can't accept our relationship then you don't accept us as your daughters."

Alex's heart melted, she was overwhelmed with joy, she'd always believed that someday something would end their relationship, but hearing Kara's speech made her feel as though she had a chance at forever with Kara, and she would sure as hell fight for it with everything she had. SHe was still amazed at how strong kara felt about her, and it felt amazing to know that Kara would stand up to Eliza the way that she did, especially with her craving a family of her own so strongly.

Alex looked at her mother and nodded. "Maybe you should go. Take a few days to process things and then let us know when you do. I hope that you come to terms with us being together, but if you can't, I understand."

 **Wednesday, November 22nd, 2017:** Alex sat eating at the bar of their house, eating the greasiest meal she had eaten since she and Kara had gotten back together. A big mac, some fries, a Redbull and some and a pumpkin pie. She and Kara had had a fight over their work schedules, Alex knew Kara was doing her best, but she needed to see her more. It wasn't fair to be mad at her for being a hero, in fact, it was quite selfish, but she was scared that someone else was going to win Kara over and because she and Alex never saw each other anymore, Kara would leave her for them. It was childish, she knew, but good things never happened to Alex, so she always feared the worst.

"I thought I told you to stop drinking energy drinks because they were bad for your heart, and since your heart is mine you don't get to hurt it?"

Alex relaxed, Kara's tone wasn't in any way harsh. She wasn't mad at her, and that's all Alex really needed at that point. Alex nodded. "That is what you said, but you know that I'm going to die eventually anyway, right?"

Kara frowned, and Alex immediately regretted her words. She remembered that conversation years ago... Kara was Kryptonian, which meant that she could only die if something made of Kryptonite fatally injured her or she suffocated. She couldn't get sick, and once she hit thirty, she would stop aging... meaning Kara would once again lose everything and everyone she loved, repeatedly for the rest of her life, it was a doom that Alex couldn't even imagine, and she hated herself for being so insensitive... "Oh. Kara, I didn't mean to-"

Kara shook her head. "It's fine, really."

Alex saw the hurt on her lover's face and heard the pain in her voice. "Kara..."

Kara shook her head. "I need to get some sleep... I'll see you in the morning."

Alex was beginning to panic; Kara had spent the night in Alex's bed for the past month, so she was clearly hurting. The big sister sprung up from the couch and intercepted Kara at the blonde's bedroom door. "Kara, please.. you know there is research to be done... There's got to be a way to morph me into an immortal being... I'm sure there's some Alien technology somewhere that can help us, right?"

Kara's tears were evident in her eyes as she spoke. "What if there isn't, Alex? What if I'm doomed to lose you, and everyone else I care about?"

Alex's heart broke for her little sister. Kara had already lost so much; she didn't deserve to have to lose even more, especially not for the rest of eternity. "How about we go and ask your mom-ogram about it, hm?" Alex asked, knowing that the nickname for the hologram of Alura always made Kara laugh. It worked successfully, and Kara cracked a tiny smile. "See? There she is. My beautiful alien girl is always the prettiest when she smiles." Alex said as she planted a chaste kiss on Kara's lips.

Kara returned the kiss before sighing. "I'll just fly over there now, and when I get back, we can talk about this okay? Just.. please don't ever joke about your death again... it does nothing but remind me that I'm going to lose you someday." Kara said with a sad expression.

Alex nodded. "Okay. I promise. I'm sorry, I know how stupid that joke was, and I'm an idiot for making it. I love you."

Kara smiled and kissed Alex's forehead. "I love you too."

A few hours later, Kara returned with a stoic expression on her face. "We need to talk." Kara interrupted.

Alex gulped. _Is she going to dump me because of this? SHIT._ "No! Kara, I-I"

Kara shook her head. "There's a way that you wouldn't have to die... but, it'd be asking a lot of you."

Alex nodded. She wasn't quite understanding what Kara was saying, but she'd listen, and ask questions later. She learned a long time ago that it was better to do that than to ask questions during Kara's verbal tirades because she would forget where she was at in the speech and start over many times before she finally would reach her point.

Kara took a deep breath and continued. "There is a planet, about 80 light years away from where Krypton used to be, that had a White Dwarf as their sun..."

Alex nodded and furrowed her brows. "Okay."

"We could move there," Kara said.

Alex was lost. "Move there? Why would we move there? That doesn't make sense, Kara."

Kara sighed. "You humans truly don't know what white light does to your bodies?"

Alex furrowed her brows more and shook her head. "No, Kara.. because our sun is still a yellow dwarf, we have no idea what will happen when it turns into anything else... All we can do is speculate."

Kara sighed and shook her head. "Well, I asked the hologram of my mother how to make humans immortal... She said to turn the Sun into a white dwarf because it will have the same effect on you as your yellow sun has on Kryptonians."

Alex nodded. "Okay, so let me see if I understand this correctly… Humans have the ability to be as strong as you are, but only if we have a _brighter_ sun?"

Kara nodded. "Yes."

"And the only planet you can think of is over two thousand light years away from Earth?"

Kara nodded again. "What is this planet even like, Kara?"

"Almerac is a lot like Earth, but much greener, and less potent. It's a beautiful place, and the Almeracians are much nicer than their deceased queen, I assure you."

Alex wanted to say yes, she truly did, but she wasn't so sure that leaving Earth would be smart… Not only did she still have family there, but friends and a job. They'd have to start all over again if they joined a new race. "Kara, are you sure that there's no other way?"

Kara sighed. "There is, but it's a gamble with your life…"

Ah. That made sense; it always came down to things like that with them. "What is it?"

Kara frowned. "You have to mix Kryptonian blood, Martian blood, and Black Mercy oil together and inject it into your bloodstream. "You'd have the durability of a martian, the immortality of a Kryptonian, and the black mercy would make you invulnerable to kryptonite weapons."

Alex took it all in and nodded. "I'm a bioengineer, Kara. That won't be a problem for me to concoct. I just have to find another damn Black Mercy plant."

 **Sunday, November 26th, 2017:** Kara and Alex asked for Hank to donate a vial of his blood for the serum, he happily obliged. They began working on the elixir.

**Thursday, November 30th, 2017:**

"Are you sure you want to put up with me for eternity?" Alex asked her sister as she handed her the syringe filled with the antidote.

Kara nodded. "Absolutely."

"We've only been together for a few months, Kar'.. what if we.. if we, you know… break up?"

Kara shook her head. "Even if we did, (which we won't) You would still be my sister and I'll always need you in my life because when the pressure of SUpergirl and Kara Danvers becomes too much, when it gets inside of my head and becomes a ticking time bomb, I usually need to let it out, and whenever I need to, you understand and you're there for me. YOu let me get it out without any risk of ruining our relationship. And when my body feels like a cage because of my powers, you free me from it with just a few words. You take away the pain of being an outcast, and you make it bearable again just by seeing who I am, not what I am, and accepting me. No matter what you stand at my side reassuring me, and encouraging me as well as loving me, and for that reason and many many many others, I could never imagine life without you."

Alex's eyes welled up with happy tears, and she kissed her sister before she and Kara administered the finished immortality vaccine into Alex's bloodstream. It was successful, and she became omnipotent.

 **Friday, September 27th, 2019:** It was their two-year anniversary, and Alex sat at their dinner table fidgeting nervously with the velvet box in her chest pocket. She had asked Eliza's blessing, which the older woman gave her, and now here she was, waiting for Kara to come home from Catco any minute now.

She had on an "Amanda Uprichard Jumpsuit, one that made Kara particularly handsy with her whenever Alex wore it. It was a crimson red low V-Neck satin pantsuit that fit her body perfectly. It accentuated every curve of her body. Her hair was up in a braided bun, and her lips were painted cherry red. She wore her black High heels and had a bouquet of Primroses, because when she asked the florist which flowers meant "Living without you would be impossible" She said that the closest ones were primroses that meant "I can't live without you."

There were candles lit, jazz playing in the background, and an expensive meal from Kara's favorite Italian restaurant waiting to be eaten.

Alex was nervous as hell, but she had her speech ready, and she had her heart prepared for the worst. (Not really, but she convinced herself that she did anyway.) She heard Kara's footsteps on the front porch and stood up and walked to the middle of the dining room, prepared to finally do what she had wanted to do since the day she met Kara; propose.

The door opened, and in stepped the beautiful woman, she hoped to soon be able to call her wife. She looked stunning in her black, tight fit sundress. "Alex!" She said while her eyes darkened. "You look... Amazing." The blonde looked around. "You remembered our anniversary!" She exclaimed with a smile. Alex smiled, kissed her girlfriend, and then grabbed one of her hands while her other hand stayed hidden behind her back.

"I could never forget our anniversary. It was the greatest day of my entire life, until hopefully today."

Kara furrowed her brows. "What's going on, Alex?"

The older sister smiled. "I love you so much, Kar'."

"I love you too, baby!" Kara said gleefully.

"I know that our love, although acceptable, is quite uncommon. I know that you never really thought about me this way until about two and a half years ago. I know that I'm cranky and stubborn, jealous as hell, and overprotective, but what I also know is that I can't live without you." She said as she handed Kara the bouquet of flowers she had hidden behind her back that stood for the same meaning.

Kara's eyes lit up. "Primroses! Oh my gosh! You looked up their meaning?"

Alex nodded. " I did. She said."

Kara smiled. "You're astonishing."

Alex's heart leaped for joy at Kara's praise, which gave her the courage to continue on with her plan. "The past sixteen years have been incredible, mostly because I was blessed with you. Throughout the years the depths of my feelings outgrew my concept of understanding, and now, just saying I love you never seems like it's enough because I've said it so many times that I am scared you don't understand what I mean everytime I say it. How can so many feelings, and so much adoration ever fit into such a small phrase? It can't., and words fall short every time I want to tell you how much I love you. So until I find a better phrase to express my feelings for you let me at least try to explain it.

Every time you look at me my heart pounds so loudly that I think I might pass out. The sound of your voice gives me butterflies, and each time you smile my heart skips a beat, and I lose my breath.

I mean, Jesus, Kara you set my heart ablaze everytime you say my name, and every time you touch me you burn my damn skin and make me forget there's anyone in the world but the two of god. Your _kisses_ , Kara your kisses cause me to go weak at the knees, and my heart does somersaults in my chest. Your kisses make me want to run to the highest mountaintop and scream that I love you. You've got me so addicted to you, so in love with you, so infatuated with you, that I'd die if I ever lost you.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you make me happier than I ever thought I'd get the chance to be, and if you let me, I will spend the rest of eternity trying to make you just as happy."

Alex pulled out the box, opened it, and knelt down in front of her girlfriend. She raised her head to see a tearful Kara staring back at her. "Kara Zor-El Danvers,.. Will you marry me?"

Kara smiled through her tears and reached into her purse. She pulled out a small red box and knelt down with Alex, she opened the box, and Alex's heart stopped. Another beautiful diamond engagement ring. "You beat me to, it." the blonde chuckled through her tears.

Alex was crying tears of joy as she pulled out the ring she bought for Kara. "So, that's a yes, right?" She laughed.

Kara nodded. "Nothing would make me happier than marrying you, Alex. So, 100% without a shadow of a doubt, YES!"

Alex's heart had never been so full.

 **Tuesday, July 14th, 2020:** Alex stood at the altar as she watched Kara walk down the aisle to her in her beautiful Vera Wang Dress. She couldn't help the butterflies or her breathlessness. The tears that were falling from her eyes were out of pure jubilation. _I'm the luckiest woman in existence._ She said internally.

When Kara reached her, they grabbed hands and stared into each other's eyes.

The wedding officiant read the usual mumbo jumbo, but when it was time to start the vows, they had decided to say their own. Kara went first.

"Alex, because I love you, I promise to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and to give you the respect that you are entitled to. I understand that our love won't always be easy and that there will be days that just won't be good. On those days, I promise to choose wisely.

I swear to you that I will love you when you are feeling unlovable and will accept your love when I feel the same. WHen times are difficult, I will remember that we are stronger together than we are apart and I will not walk away from a challenge. I will always be faithful to you, honest with you, and honorable for you. For eternity, I swear to you, that I will be the best wife that I could possibly be."

Kara's vows made Alex feel so whole that she almost forgot to say her own vows. She quickly snapped out of her love-induced haze and spoke from her heart.

"Kara, I have learned so much from you; your honesty and integrity have taught me that it's okay to be who I am. Your thoughtfulness and selflessness have taught me to give with intention.

You have helped me fight my demons, and I always feel stronger in your presence, like I am able to take on the world. So, my love, I stand here today and I promise to hold you lightly, but firmly as we venture through life together. I promise always to defend you. I promise to care for you when you are hurt or broken and celebrate with you in health.

I promise to be your confidante, your soldier, ally, and friend.

Today, baby, I pledge my love and utter devotion to you. I will be your devoted lover, your faithful companion, your loyal friend. I swear to be your greatest cheerleader, and above all to love you and only you until the end of time."

Kara's matron of honor (Cat Grant) handed her Alex's ring, and Kara pushed it onto her first knuckle before saying the vows. "With this ring, I marry you and bind my life to yours. It is a symbol of my eternal love, my everlasting friendship, and the promise of all my tomorrows" She slid the ring the rest of the way down on Alex's left ring finger before finishing. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Alex had to fight for breath through her tears of joy as Vasquez (her maid of honor) handed her Kara's ring. She managed to slide the ring down to Kara's first knuckle before saying her ring vows. "As a sign of my love to for you, of choosing to share my entire life's journey with you, and of knowing that in marrying you I will become much more than I am, I give you this ring. WIth the pledge that with you, I will transform into the highest expression of love." She couldn't help the smile that grew onto her face as she slid the ring the rest of the way onto Kara's fourth finger on her left hand before she said. "With this ring, I thee wed."

They stared at each other with the goofiest grins Alex had ever seen on either of their faces. As soon as they heard the officiant say "I now pronounce you eternal life spouses, you may kiss the bride." they lunged into each other, and connected their lips in the most passionate and sloppy kiss they had ever shared."

Alex pulled away and stared at her wife feeling the happiest she had ever felt. Nothing could describe how amazing she felt at that moment... "So, Mrs. Danvers, how do you feel?" Kara asked.

Alex smiled and pecked her sister one last time as the crowd applauded them. She looked into Kara's loving blue eyes and responded "I feel utter fucking fantastic, Mrs. Danvers… Utter fucking fantastic."

 

_~The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thank you all so much for reading my story!**
> 
>  
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> **Please let me know if you enjoyed!**


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